Picky Me

Assuming I was paid for every time I was called "picky or selective," Dangote and I may be rubbing shoulders by now, but unfortunately for me, name-calling and tagging yielded nothing much except some unwanted feelings.

So, the above was very much my story for the greater part of my life, and each time I heard those words, I often felt sad within because I had gone through the list of things I had asked God concerning a partner, and I didn’t think anything seemed out of the norm or short of what God would want for his child.

I had really good and kind suitors, but for some reason, I didn’t seem to be in love with them, and that was a major issue for almost everyone around me, including myself. At first, it wasn’t such a big deal until my age started to increase, and then the drama began.

For me, dating was like picking a spouse. I didn’t believe in doing things simply because everyone else was doing them, especially when it came to relationships. I wanted to date someone I could consider marrying if it ever came to that point, so with my humble list, I would just decline most offers.

I remember a day I was bashed from every side concerning my "picky and selective nature" after not giving a favorable response to a particular suitor and even being told to be careful before I wake up and see there is "no one left for me and I would end up single and unmarried as some of my relatives."

That day, I was pretty sad and upset because no one appeared to understand and it seemed as if there was already a preconceived notion about me; i.e., I felt too pretty, I was looking for a perfect person who doesn’t exist, or I was looking for some rich, tall, and handsome person... And the list goes on and on.

Although some of these things mattered to me, I had listened to Pastor Paul Adefarasin’s messages on "the right man and the right woman’ enough to know that I should, in his words, "always major in the major and not major in the minor," so those were not my issues.

The more I tried to explain, the less people seemed to understand, so I gave up and decided to go to the one person who I knew understood me better than others. I went to the one place I always ran to when I was in trouble, avoiding a beating, feeling scared, sad, upset, or needing to talk (if you know me well, you will know where I ran to).

So there I was, sitting in isolation, just asking God if I was being unreasonable or asking for too much. I wanted to know if I was, as they said, "too picky and selective" and if that was a bad thing. I wanted him to help me or fix me if I was broken because I didn’t want to wake up and be left with nothing and no one. I didn’t want it to be my undoing.

I poured out my heart and frustrations to God, and he listened patiently and lovingly the way he always does, and when I had finished, I can never forget what he told me.

He said, "It's ok to be picky and selective, Serah. There is nothing wrong with it or with you, especially when what you are asking for is well within my desires for you and, most especially, if you know what you carry or will bear.

He asked me if I knew of anything super special about Mary that was recorded in the Bible, and I quickly thought that there was nothing. The Bible simply says "Mary was a virgin and had been blessed to be selected to be the one through whom His son, Jesus, would come.".

God asked me if I knew how many virgins were in the world at that time. There were so many of them because virginity then was not as scarce a commodity as it is now. So amongst the many virgins, He (God) had to pick one, and He picked Mary.

Mary was engaged to Joseph, whom the Bible records as "a good man," and the story continues.

So the question is, why didn’t God just pick any virgin and any other good guy, because I’m sure there were many of their kind? For whatever reason, He picked Mary and Joseph because He knew who His Son was, knew what His Son was coming to do, and knew the importance of the right family setting in helping the child thrive and live up to His potential.

So God asked me, "Serah, do you know what you carry within you and what your children will do here on earth?" If you know who they are and what they are destined for, then it is not only ok but great that you be "picky and take your time to select the best father for them and the best partner to help you achieve this in them!"

Kindly notice that after Mary saw the angel Gabriel, God never spoke to her again. He always spoke to Joseph from then on, and Joseph always obeyed promptly, meaning Joseph was an obedient person and had listening ears to hear God. I would like to infer from this that he may have had a relationship with God already, which made it easier for him to know when it was God, as well as to listen and obey swiftly. His obedience and ability to hear the voice of God saved Jesus’ life as a child (I’ve started giving tips for what to look out for in a mate o).

After God told me this, I wiped my eyes and was more emboldened to wait on him and to be resolute in the things I had asked him for in a spouse because, in all honesty, a lot of the things I picked were things I saw in him that I loved (another tip).

Time passed after my conversation with God, and nothing seemed to be changing in my life, so, unknown to me, some of my friends decided I needed an ‘Interfriendtion!" And sent a particular lady to come and speak to me. I thought she came for a normal visit, but she didn’t meet my flatmates, who were more of her friends, so I tried to entertain her while we waited for them. In the course of our discussion, she narrated how she had met her husband, and as always, I was interested in knowing how she knew he was the one God wanted for her because I was always afraid of missing God’s will for me. She spoke, I listened, and she asked me a few questions. By the time I had innocently answered her, she continued the discussion and smiled, saying, "They told me you were very selective and indecisive, but from speaking with you, I can see that you are none of that! Rather, you know exactly what you want and you are not willing to take less, so I will pray with you that God will speedily align your path with the one he has kept for you!’

That was when I knew the visit was not a normal one but a planned one, and I was so grateful for it because finally, it seemed like I had found one person who truly listened to me and helped me see that I was ok and was not headed for "disaster or doom as was predicted."

My mom did a great job in selecting a father for me, and I can’t even tell you how my dad’s presence and person in my life has not only shaped me but helped me see, understand, and love God with ease. Hence, the determination to also get it right for myself and my future kids.

Have you been called or tagged with any names you didn’t like or don’t like in your journey to finding a mate? Does it seem like nobody understands what you want? Well, calm down; you aren’t alone. I've been there, and I’m pretty happy with where God has graciously helped me reach. You will be fine. Focus on God, and go back to him to evaluate you more than anyone else.

Always remind yourself that you carry something special within and will birth seeds that will crush the devil’s kingdom. The Bible says that the whole earth awaits the manifestation of the sons of God. It says that the seed of the woman will crush the head of the serpent, so your seed is super important, and if you know that, then take time to select factors that will help produce a good climate for that seed to thrive.

I know my children are not normal or ordinary. They are the light of the world—a city set on a hill that cannot be hidden. They have come to shake the devil’s kingdom and crush his head, so watch out for them.

I pray you will take the time to do right by you and your children because, like my bestie always says, "My children can't choose their dad, but I can! So it's important I choose the right man who would be the right dad to them!"

If you know that so much is at stake, then do it right and allow me to help where I can by sharing some insights and lessons God has taught me during my journey and search.