What kind of silly name is that? “Nailah?” did this
guy even pray about this? People are going to make fun of my child. They will
say things like “Nail her to the cross” and other silly or snide comments. I
detest the name. I do not like it at all.
In case you are wondering, what is happening, let me
make it easy for you. Those were my humble first thoughts toward the choice of a name for my daughter. Let’s take a minute to backtrack so you can have a
clear picture of why I was mad at my husband.
Years before I ever thought marriage, I had a dream and in it, I had met my daughter. In my dream, her name
was Malika, which means ‘Queen’ in Arabic and Asia; the name means ‘Jasmine.’
Before that dream, I had taken a liking to the name Jasmine and had changed
almost all my passwords to the name so it was no surprise to me that in my dream, my
first child's name was Malika aka Jasmine. From that moment on, I knew that my
first child would be a girl and in my mind, her name was going to be “Malika’ as
God had already shown me.
While courting, I would often tell my husband about
my dream and the fact that our first child would be a girl. When we went for my
first scan, boom, my dream was confirmed, a girl! My joy knew no bounds, I was
going to have my Malika even though I had never heard or met anyone with the
name, it was unique and I loved it.
In the course of my pregnancy, I would often ask my
husband to pray and think of names for the baby since he is the father. I for
one had already settled that her first name would be Malika and so he could
pick whatever he wanted for the middle name. My husband is a pretty easy going person and often allows me to have whatever makes me happy and so I didn’t even
think twice about the matter. I had my arsenals all checked (the dream and the
sweet husband). Besides, every time brought up the topic, he seemed a bit
nonchalant about it so I didn’t think he would mind much but boy, was I in for
a shocker.
It was a week to my due date and I had traveled to
give birth but due to my husband’s tight work schedule, He was not able to be
there and in all honesty, it would have put more pressure on our finances. We
wanted our child to have opportunities we didn’t have and to do that, some
sacrifices had to be made and unfortunately, that was one of them. Then there
was safety to consider. Most of my friends who had gotten pregnant around the
same time with me had lost their babies ‘due to one form of negligence from our
hospitals or the other’ and I was not having that (as if safety was in my hands
smh@sese. I know better now though).
So, my husband and I were not in the same vicinity
and it seemed to be taking a toll on us because we had never been so far apart
since we got married. Anyway, while chatting one day, I asked him for the names
once more. That was the day I heard the name “Nailah”. Hian!! (Nigerian
exclamation for wahala).
I was thrown off balance. I did not see that
coming. So I tried to reason with him, or rather try and make him see sense
behind picking my name instead. My very easy-going husband was not relenting
and I was angry. I tried to compromise by stating we both take the name ‘Imani”
which we liked as her first name then the others can be the middle name. Oh
boy, the guy was adamant and said no. I tried again with Jasmine as the first
name since he seemed to like it then, but alas, I met another brick wall. Man,
this marriage thing was getting real. If I were single, I would have done what
I wanted, but there I was, having to bend to someone else’s will, and believe
me, it was not funny.
This naming thing was going to be our first major
fight. I was steaming and didn’t even want to talk to him anymore. I had been
saying this name thing for like forever and he had said nothing then out of the
blues you spring this upon me! God had given me this name as far as I was
concerned and I, spiritual sister Serah felt this man had nothing on me.
I know how important names are and I didn’t want ‘my
daughter’ (I say ‘our daughter’ now) to just have any random name. If we were
going to take this life term decision, you had to find a way to convince me
that this was God and He had spoken to you about it or you had some Rhema or
scripture rather than say “while checking for names on the internet, the name
just stood out for you.” Truth was, I thought I was the ‘more spiritual’ one I
guess (I’ve grown, so show mercy).
I didn’t know what to do, so wisdom, asked me to go
seek good counsel from people I believed were spiritually sound. My first point
of call was my high school senior whose sis was my friend. I sent her a message
asking how she and the husband had come about naming their kids. She shared her
story and then I shared my challenge. After listening to my narration, I was
convinced she would side with me, but she told me a key truth. She said “Serah,
if that name is from God, He will speak it to your husband as well, but if He
doesn’t and if your husband insists on that name, then give the name to the
child. He is the father and the head of your home. Submit!” O chimo (Igbo
exclamation). This was not what I wanted to hear at all, even though I needed it
and deep down, I knew she was right. So, I decided to ask someone else. This
time, an older person who had been married longer; I went to my aunt K who
always gives good advice and loves me a lot. Again, I narrated the story to her
and what my aunt had to say humbled me. She told me that earlier on in their
marriage, she often insisted on having her way, and being that my uncle was as
easy going as my husband, he would let her, but as the years went by, she had
realized that he stopped sharing things with her and began taking decisions
without her because He saw her as an opposition. If it wasn’t her way, she
wasn’t having it and since he didn’t want to fight, he would go behind her and
do his things quietly. She said she had learned the hard way and my marriage
was not up to a year, so I should avoid making the mistakes she had made.
It is often said that experience is the best teacher, but a wise man once wrote that we don’t have to learn from experience when we
can learn from other people's own. I had read that expression somewhere and
thought it best to use it in this case. Grudgingly, I gave up my horrid and
selfish plan to just give the baby the names I wanted when asked at the
hospital and let my husband deal with it since I was the one who carried the
baby for 9 months and was sure he had not heard from God concerning the issue.
Behold, the 22nd of September came and our beautiful
hyper active princess was born. Then the question came, “What’s the baby's name
ma'am?” I halfheartedly said ‘Nailah Jasmine Imani Mohammed.’ I had given the
name but I was not going down like that. So I had complied by being a
‘submissive wife’ and letting my husband’s choice prevail, but deep within, I
had not completely submitted and so I decided to call the baby Jasmine and let
him call her Nailah. I knew I had numbers on my side being that I had a large
family and loads of friends so eventually, people would know her with Jasmine
rather than Nailah. I was determined on saving my child from ‘that embarrassing
name.’
Again, the Holy Spirit came at me in the form of my
baby sister. She told me she had noticed that our entire family calls her
Jasmine while only my husband and his family call her Nailah. I said ‘yes, so
what is wrong with it?’ (I knew it, but didn’t want to admit it) She said she
didn’t think it was right that way. I knew she was right deep down, but Arhhhh!!
Anyway, after our pep talk, I was ready to totally submit and not teach my
sister the wrong thing so I decided to call her ‘Nailah rather than Jasmine’.
Fast forward to today, I am in love with the name
‘Nailah!’ I even have friends who have named their daughters after her. I was
being so stubborn that I hadn’t even realized what a beautiful meaning the name
bore and how unique it is. In case you are wondering, Nailah is Egyptian/Arabic
and means “One who is born to succeed” and nobody has ever made fun of her name
or made comments like ‘ Nailah her to the cross’ as I envisioned. All my fears
were uncalled for.
What I learned from the situation is that submission
is not an easy task, but it is what God has called his daughters to do in
marriage. The bible says “wives, submit to your husband’s as to the Lord. For a
husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church… Eph 5:
22-24) Submission does not mean you are weak or your husband is right.
Sometimes, they will get it wrong because they are human like us, but if you
handle it well, you will both be the better for it. In my case, when I got
pregnant with our second kid, I learned that my husband seemed better at giving
names than I and so I sent a list of names I liked and let him be. He knew the
ones I liked and behold, when he was asked the name of the baby, I had a pleasant
surprise when I saw her immunization card bearing ‘Anaiah Zahra’ the two names
I wanted.
I asked him why and he said “I realized I was
selfish with naming our first!” guess what? I also got the names I wanted with
our son! So my lovelies, submission pays off at the end of the day and whatever
arguments you have in marriage can make or mar you depending on how you handle
it.
Have a great week and please, feel free to share any
fights you have had in marriage that others can learn from.
