Picky Me

Assuming I was paid for every time I was called "picky or selective," Dangote and I may be rubbing shoulders by now, but unfortunately for me, name-calling and tagging yielded nothing much except some unwanted feelings.

So, the above was very much my story for the greater part of my life, and each time I heard those words, I often felt sad within because I had gone through the list of things I had asked God concerning a partner, and I didn’t think anything seemed out of the norm or short of what God would want for his child.

I had really good and kind suitors, but for some reason, I didn’t seem to be in love with them, and that was a major issue for almost everyone around me, including myself. At first, it wasn’t such a big deal until my age started to increase, and then the drama began.

For me, dating was like picking a spouse. I didn’t believe in doing things simply because everyone else was doing them, especially when it came to relationships. I wanted to date someone I could consider marrying if it ever came to that point, so with my humble list, I would just decline most offers.

I remember a day I was bashed from every side concerning my "picky and selective nature" after not giving a favorable response to a particular suitor and even being told to be careful before I wake up and see there is "no one left for me and I would end up single and unmarried as some of my relatives."

That day, I was pretty sad and upset because no one appeared to understand and it seemed as if there was already a preconceived notion about me; i.e., I felt too pretty, I was looking for a perfect person who doesn’t exist, or I was looking for some rich, tall, and handsome person... And the list goes on and on.

Although some of these things mattered to me, I had listened to Pastor Paul Adefarasin’s messages on "the right man and the right woman’ enough to know that I should, in his words, "always major in the major and not major in the minor," so those were not my issues.

The more I tried to explain, the less people seemed to understand, so I gave up and decided to go to the one person who I knew understood me better than others. I went to the one place I always ran to when I was in trouble, avoiding a beating, feeling scared, sad, upset, or needing to talk (if you know me well, you will know where I ran to).

So there I was, sitting in isolation, just asking God if I was being unreasonable or asking for too much. I wanted to know if I was, as they said, "too picky and selective" and if that was a bad thing. I wanted him to help me or fix me if I was broken because I didn’t want to wake up and be left with nothing and no one. I didn’t want it to be my undoing.

I poured out my heart and frustrations to God, and he listened patiently and lovingly the way he always does, and when I had finished, I can never forget what he told me.

He said, "It's ok to be picky and selective, Serah. There is nothing wrong with it or with you, especially when what you are asking for is well within my desires for you and, most especially, if you know what you carry or will bear.

He asked me if I knew of anything super special about Mary that was recorded in the Bible, and I quickly thought that there was nothing. The Bible simply says "Mary was a virgin and had been blessed to be selected to be the one through whom His son, Jesus, would come.".

God asked me if I knew how many virgins were in the world at that time. There were so many of them because virginity then was not as scarce a commodity as it is now. So amongst the many virgins, He (God) had to pick one, and He picked Mary.

Mary was engaged to Joseph, whom the Bible records as "a good man," and the story continues.

So the question is, why didn’t God just pick any virgin and any other good guy, because I’m sure there were many of their kind? For whatever reason, He picked Mary and Joseph because He knew who His Son was, knew what His Son was coming to do, and knew the importance of the right family setting in helping the child thrive and live up to His potential.

So God asked me, "Serah, do you know what you carry within you and what your children will do here on earth?" If you know who they are and what they are destined for, then it is not only ok but great that you be "picky and take your time to select the best father for them and the best partner to help you achieve this in them!"

Kindly notice that after Mary saw the angel Gabriel, God never spoke to her again. He always spoke to Joseph from then on, and Joseph always obeyed promptly, meaning Joseph was an obedient person and had listening ears to hear God. I would like to infer from this that he may have had a relationship with God already, which made it easier for him to know when it was God, as well as to listen and obey swiftly. His obedience and ability to hear the voice of God saved Jesus’ life as a child (I’ve started giving tips for what to look out for in a mate o).

After God told me this, I wiped my eyes and was more emboldened to wait on him and to be resolute in the things I had asked him for in a spouse because, in all honesty, a lot of the things I picked were things I saw in him that I loved (another tip).

Time passed after my conversation with God, and nothing seemed to be changing in my life, so, unknown to me, some of my friends decided I needed an ‘Interfriendtion!" And sent a particular lady to come and speak to me. I thought she came for a normal visit, but she didn’t meet my flatmates, who were more of her friends, so I tried to entertain her while we waited for them. In the course of our discussion, she narrated how she had met her husband, and as always, I was interested in knowing how she knew he was the one God wanted for her because I was always afraid of missing God’s will for me. She spoke, I listened, and she asked me a few questions. By the time I had innocently answered her, she continued the discussion and smiled, saying, "They told me you were very selective and indecisive, but from speaking with you, I can see that you are none of that! Rather, you know exactly what you want and you are not willing to take less, so I will pray with you that God will speedily align your path with the one he has kept for you!’

That was when I knew the visit was not a normal one but a planned one, and I was so grateful for it because finally, it seemed like I had found one person who truly listened to me and helped me see that I was ok and was not headed for "disaster or doom as was predicted."

My mom did a great job in selecting a father for me, and I can’t even tell you how my dad’s presence and person in my life has not only shaped me but helped me see, understand, and love God with ease. Hence, the determination to also get it right for myself and my future kids.

Have you been called or tagged with any names you didn’t like or don’t like in your journey to finding a mate? Does it seem like nobody understands what you want? Well, calm down; you aren’t alone. I've been there, and I’m pretty happy with where God has graciously helped me reach. You will be fine. Focus on God, and go back to him to evaluate you more than anyone else.

Always remind yourself that you carry something special within and will birth seeds that will crush the devil’s kingdom. The Bible says that the whole earth awaits the manifestation of the sons of God. It says that the seed of the woman will crush the head of the serpent, so your seed is super important, and if you know that, then take time to select factors that will help produce a good climate for that seed to thrive.

I know my children are not normal or ordinary. They are the light of the world—a city set on a hill that cannot be hidden. They have come to shake the devil’s kingdom and crush his head, so watch out for them.

I pray you will take the time to do right by you and your children because, like my bestie always says, "My children can't choose their dad, but I can! So it's important I choose the right man who would be the right dad to them!"

If you know that so much is at stake, then do it right and allow me to help where I can by sharing some insights and lessons God has taught me during my journey and search.

 

 

 

 

Connecting the Dots

My bestie had found someone online who was helping to coach her and help her discover her life's purpose. She was given a series of assignments and write-ups to do as a way of self-discovery. One day, she came by, and we started talking about it because the issue of understanding and realizing our life's purpose has always been a serious one for most people and not the easiest in all honesty.

I can't count the number of books I'd read, meetings I'd attended, and workbooks I'd begun in an attempt to discover my life's purpose. I had asked God this question so many times because I did not want to miss it and waste the time I had been given. The journey of self discovery is not an easy one for most, and I won't lie, it wasn't the easiest for me either, so I understood my friend's frustrations as well as the process she was going through.

I read some of the things she had written and the answers she had given to most questions. While discussing the topic at hand, I began to share how I had recently answered a few questions like hers for a scholarship application I submitted a few weeks before our conversation because, sometime last year, I took a course in Health Safety and Education (HSE), NEBOSH, as it's something I have always been interested in. Following the exam, a friend of mine showed me a scholarship for a master's in HSE in Canada, which I decided to apply for.

The application seemed straightforward, but the questions were mind-boggling and something that needed great thought. While I tried to structure my answers, the questions seemed to help me rediscover myself as they seemed to take me down memory lane. It asked questions like, "Describe how you hope the program(s) will lay the foundation for your long-term goals and aspirations; and Tell us about a significant "course correction" you have made in your life."For example, this could be a change in your academic path, in how you approach challenging situations, or in how you work with or motivate others."

The more I answered, the more I saw how my ambitions and thoughts had changed over the years. I started out wanting to be a doctor, then moved on to biochemistry, then international social development, learning to sew, and now HSE, as well as wanting to do a Ph.D. In migration while also taking counseling and mediation courses. My life didn't seem to have any particular pattern, but while reading my heartfelt answers, I realized that in every ambition, course, or thing I had set out to do, at the bottom was the dire need to help humanity, my country, and its people. Although I kept trying to go about it in different ways, my goal and aim never changed, only the strategy. Whatever life presented to me, I always tried to find a way to see how I could use it to help someone (sort of like I hope my blog is doing right now).

Anyway, the moment I realized that, I felt so good as it finally seemed like I was solving my life's mystery and puzzle because, for a long time, everyone around me seemed worried at the haphazard pattern my life and ambitions were taking. It seemed like I was just jumping from place to place and field to field without much direction. While sharing this with my bestie, God reminded me of an event that happened when I was much younger which would help us both.

So believe it or not (for those of you looking at me with Agbero eye), as a child, I spent some of my early years in America, and there was a particular day when I was in second grade, they took all the second graders and had a special presentation done for us.

The school had invited this lady, who had a special gift. In my opinion, she could see things that the normal eye could not. She was able to 'bring dots to life!"

The lady asked for volunteers who would make dots on the whiteboard. The first kid went and did it. She looked at the board for a few minutes and then began to connect them. Before our very eyes, the scattered dots became an animal we knew or some item we could all name.

While everyone was amazed by this, the Nigerian within me thought there was some hanky-panky going on.  I assumed she was able to connect the dots because the kids were doing a ‘lousy job’ in scattering them. They were making it too easy for her in my opinion. I thought to myself, if the opportunity arises, I will go up there and show them what they were supposed to do, and let me see how this woman will be able to connect these dots into something meaningful without leaving any out (you thought I was going to be like the woman with the issue of blood and think some faith thing abi.smh@me). She had already done it twice, and everyone was amazed.

My long-awaited opportunity soon presented itself when they asked for the last volunteer, my hands shot up so quickly. I got to the board and created a super mess. My dots were in different places. Some are very far apart, while others are very close. I stood back and watched my ‘work of art’ before handing the marker over to the lady and going back to see what she would do.

I was sure I had her ‘checked out’ and just wanted to see how she would not be able to do much with mine.

The lady stepped back for a while without saying much but had a super-sweet smile. I sat in my seat, super proud of myself. All of a sudden, the lady moved to the board and began connecting the dots. I could not believe my small eyes (trust me, they are super small). She connected everything and drew a beautiful whale!

Goodness, the whole class, including myself, burst into applause because nobody honestly thought she would be able to make much out of the scattered things I had put up.

As I shared this story with my friend, I understood what God was telling me as well, as I'm sure most of you already know where I'm headed.

Many times, some of our lives look like they are a big mess and we can't seem to make sense of it, and there are just so many odd things that have happened or are happening at different times and places, but guess what? There is good news. If we simply give the right person the pen or marker of our life, they can produce a beautiful picture of our"seeming mess" or "unstructured lives!"

None of my teachers had the gift the lady had, and so assuming I had given any of them the marker, they would not have been able to do much, but in the guest's hand, she had eyes to see beyond the scattered dots and see beautiful images.

To date, I have no idea what you call what the lady could do, but honestly, her talent blew me away.

One of my favorite verses in the bible is Romans 8:28, which says, "For we know that all things work together for the good of those who love God and are called by his name!" As I previously stated in other blogs, "all things" refers to everything, including the decisions we made correctly, our mistakes, and our regrets.

So before you get all jittery and anxious about not knowing if your life is making sense or if, as it seems, things are going haywire this 2023, just give God the marker and watch how he masterfully and creatively connects all the dots as well as uses every incident for your good and his glory. It will all make sense in the end. Trust him!

 

The Proposal

My boyfriend had finally asked me to marry him, and I was super excited. God had given me the person I had asked for, I had just gotten a good job, he had a good job, we both loved God, and nothing could get better than that. Finally, everything seemed to be falling in pleasant places for me after a long time of waiting and hardship.

A few months after he proposed, we started attending premarital counseling classes and were making plans for the wedding and he mentioned that the wedding would be based on faith. I didn’t think much about it because I felt he was just speaking ‘Christianese.’ It was not until we started budgeting and discussing the finances for the wedding that I truly understood he meant what he had said. The money we needed and what he had in his account at the time were insufficient to fund the wedding I had always desired. It was at this point, I truly understood what he meant by "the marriage will take place by faith," and so the faith walk began.

I started by writing down all the things we needed and putting the prices alongside. We prayed over it and just kept trying to sort out what we could with what we had. The wedding was in about 2 months, and there was little or no money in sight, nor was there help coming from anywhere. An uncle of mine had offered to pay for the venue as his gift to us, and I had a wedding dress. Beyond that, everything else was at a standstill.

The wedding was in a month's time, and I had been considering asking that we postpone it because I did not see how we were going to meet up, but we kept praying.

On one of those off days, I was at the office working on a computer, but my mind was far from it as I was thinking about the wedding. A colleague of mine, whom I barely knew, came inside and started chatting and asking about the wedding. I smiled and said all was well, then kept working on my screen. I don’t know why, but for some reason, she began to share her wedding adventure with me and the cases were so similar, but hers seemed worse than ours. She then told me that it got to the point where she wanted to move her wedding forward because the finances didn’t seem to add up, and she just didn’t know how they would do it. That was the point at which she actually got my attention. I kept listening to her story with great interest to see how it would end. She told me that everything seemed to work out beautifully. As she sat in on her seat at the wedding, she was in awe of God’s goodness. Talk about the testimony I needed to hear.

The conversation moved on to other things, and she left. It wasn’t until years later that I told her how much her testimony, vulnerability and sharing helped me. Her testimony gave me courage and built my faith to know that if God could do it for her, he would do it for me as well.

Despite her testimony, no money seemed to be coming in and to compound matters, a widow my fiancé and I had adopted during our church’s “widows' and missions'” week asked for help. She had never ever called for anything, but that day was different; she was almost crying and narrating how her landlord had threatened to throw her and her kids out for not keeping up with the rent. I was so upset at the thought that someone could look at a person in that condition. While I was ranting and mad at the man, the lady quickly stepped in and begged me not to take offense at him because he had really tried for them, as they had been owing him for a while but couldn’t meet up with the balance. Her honesty intrigued me. I asked her how much it was, and she told me. Chai, see us looking for money, and see money looking for ways to leave us. I called my fiancé and told him the issue, so we resolved to pay the money quickly and just let go of things we had put aside for the wedding. I know how it feels to lack and to hear a mother in need for her children was a feeling that was more real to me than can be imagined. So we sent her the money quickly. I can never forget her call the moment she received the money. She said, "Thank you! Tonight my children and I will be able to sleep without fear! "I'm so grateful." And she prayed for us some more (I believe this was one of the unknown genesis of our breakthrough).

So there we were; November was rounding up, and our list was more unticked than ticked.

One day, on my way to work, I was asked to drop a family friend at the junction and while driving, he shared with me why he had come to Abuja and how he had just gotten a ticket to campaign for a house of representative’s position for his state. He told me how much the ticket cost at that time and goodness, it was so much. He said someone or a group had paid for him, so he was coming out. I prayed for him and wished him well as he disembarked from the car.

That conversation was exactly what I needed to get angry in the spirit in order to pray. The chances that my family friend would win the election were 50/50, and yet, someone was willing to risk that amount and buy him a ticket.

As I drove, I began to present my argument and strong points before God on why we needed the money we were asking for. If a person can do that for a family friend, then my heavenly father can do much more for me.

I told God how he was the One who instituted marriage and how Jesus didn’t fail to provide wine at the wedding at Canaan to save the couple and their families from embarrassment. I told God that I had never seen a king whose child struggled to get money to get married or do something they felt was important. If a common human king could do it, then I see no reason why my Heavenly Father, who is not just a king but the King of all kings, will be silent and watch his children struggle to get funds to carry out a project that is noble and instituted by him.

By the time I got to work, I had finished my prayers and vexation and was headed for a meeting. Our office had not paid some money due us, and we were tired of the wait. A few minutes into the meeting, I just heard a message alert. I checked my phone, and lo and behold, that pending money had been paid. I was so happy. I was so thankful, and I knew God had heard.

That same week, my husband’s office nominated him to go to Germany for a training, and the Esta-code for them was an amazing sum. Goodness, my Heavenly father was working overtime, and I was happy. It was as if he was waiting for me to realize whose child I was. I was the child of the most-high God, the King of all Kings and the Lord of all Lords, and my heavenly father was going all out for this child who dared to ask.

As if that wasn’t enough, relatives, uncles, friends, and family began sending money and asking what needed to be done even without being asked. To top that one, on my fiancé's journey home, their flight had issues, and upon arrival, the airline paid them another huge sum as compensation. God was working everything out in our favor.

With only two weeks left, I was already overwhelmed by God's goodness, and if He had stopped there, I would have been grateful, but He refused. He was out to blow our minds. I went to drop a card for my uncle and hadn’t met him yet, so I went back a second time, but this would be my last attempt as I needed to travel to Jos for my send-forth, so I said I would simply drop the card with his security and ask him not to be offended that I wasn’t unable to wait and hand it to him myself.

As I got in, my uncle came out, and I gave him the card. He then looked at the card and asked if we had gotten someone to do our wedding decorations because he had someone he would like to bring to do it. I thanked him and told him not to bother, we had already gotten someone. He then handed me a very large sum of money and said we should use it to pay for the wedding decorations, and I should use the rest to take my friends out since it was my birthday. I was surprised because I truly wasn’t expecting anything as he had done more than enough for me in this life time (please help me just say a blessing for my uncle J). I didn’t even know how huge the sum was until I got into my friend’s car and gave them their share of the birthday money because I was too over whelmed with wedding activities to bother with my birthday.

My fiancé had been saying he wanted to go on honeymoon, and I thought his priorities were mixed up because, for me, I was just begging God to help us have a decent wedding and enough food for everyone. Beyond that, I did not feel a need to burden God, but my fiancé kept praying about it and for him, it was even more important than having souvenirs or anything else.

Wedding preps were moving better than expected when my friend’s mom called and said, "Serah, I’m so sorry I can’t make the wedding." I’ve tried to see how I can do it, but I won’t meet up. "I will send you a little something as a gift!" I thanked her and went about my business. A few minutes later, the alert came in, and I almost ran out of the house.

At this point, I was crying so much because I had barely known her and she honestly didn’t owe me anything. Her daughter was my friend and I had never done much to deserve her friendship, so I was overwhelmed by her mother’s generosity.

At a wedding of barely enough, I saw God show up in ways we could never have imagined and if you're wondering if my husband got his request, he did. In fact, we both did. God even arranged two honeymoons for us because our booking to Dubai had issues, so we had to stop in Kenya and lodged in a beautiful hotel for a few days before moving to Dubai.

Like the wedding in Canaan, God ensured there was an excess of everything. Wedding souvenirs, drinks, and food were in excess to the extent that they were begging people to bring bowls to take things away.

When God throws a party, he throws it well and when He celebrates His children, He does it in style.

If you got married and there was never a time you thought to move it, congratulations! You are among a privileged few because too often, I meet people who are almost overwhelmed with wedding bills, especially if you are from my country, Nigeria.

I decided to share my story to remind and encourage someone who is planning on getting married or preparing for a wedding and is discouraged that God will show up if you invite Him. Remember who you are and whose you are, and tell your Father what you need. Ask Him for anything and leave no detail out, then step back and allow Him to demonstrate that He is an amazing Father who enjoys helping His children.

Do you have a wedding story or testimony of God’s timely provision to share? Please help someone overcome today by saying what and how God supernaturally met a need in your life. For the blood of the lamb and our testimonies have triumphed over us. 

 

Jonah in us all, part 2

 

The book of Jonah starts with God sending one of his prophets to a country called Nineveh on an assignment. He was to tell the people of the certain destruction which was soon to follow because of their godless lifestyles, which He was fed up with.

Jonah heard the message, but decided not to deliver it, and despite his knowledge of God, he took flight and was headed in the opposite direction to where he was sent to.

Imagine the effrontery we would say. Anyway, while on the boat, a storm arises and the sailors seek answers to what is happening. Behold, when the lots were cast, it went to Jonah. Permit me to derail a little from my original story and remind Nigerians not to be afraid of the outcome of the 2023 elections. The Bible says that when lots are cast, it is God who decides where they fall. The story of Jonah testifies to this. As the Bible says, "God arranged the lot to fall on Jonah."

That being said, try and refocus. We all know the rest, and for those who don’t, study the book of Jonah 1-4. Don't fret. It's a short and interesting read. It won’t take more than 15 minutes.

Anyway, Jonah eventually is swallowed by a big fish, which God, once more, arranged. So whatever is happening in your life, trust that God’s arrangements will work out for your good.

After 3 days in the belly of the fish, Jonah gets the message, repents, asks God for mercy, and is ready to carry out his initial assignment. Guess what? God makes certain that the fish transports Jonah to the exact location to which he had sent him. The fish drops Jonah in Nineveh, and Jonah starts to deliver his message to everyone. His message is short and without fancy words, but strong enough to get to the king and everyone. The king declared a fast on humans and animals alike, and behold, God had mercy on Nineveh. I will talk about the rest of the story another time, but again, you ask how this relates to my previous story on Paeke. Well, here it is.

On Sunday the 21st of August, 2022, while taking an afternoon nap, the Holy Spirit continued the discussion he had started with me the day before my class was to start our fast.

The Holy Spirit told me that Paeke had accomplished his purpose, but like Jonah, so many of us are running from ours. Some of us know the assignment,but would rather do something else, while others are like Queen Esther, who, out of fear, rejected the first message before receiving a second message from Uncle Mordecai. Some are unassuming and scared, like Gideon, while others are like Joseph, Jesus, and Jeremiah, who were aware and ready.

God is OK when we are scared but willing to try. However, He is not OK with us being disobedient or not willing to try.

Do you remember the parable of the talents in the book of Matthew (Matthew 25:14-30)? The one thing that made the master upset with the servant who had the one talent was the fact that he wasn’t even willing to try. He had a distorted mindset about his master, who, coincidentally, was the same master as (of) the other servants who were able to use their talents and multiply them. The master would have preferred that the man had tried and failed rather than not tried at all, as simply burying the talent upset him so much.

In all honesty, no real businessman would ever appreciate that. Likewise, we are all here on assignment. Some of us will carry it out unknowingly, while others will be clear about it and work towards it. There are others amongst us who will know but refuse to do it and one-day stand before God and hear these words, "Get away from me, unfaithful servant."

Do you realize that for you to be alive today, God made an exchange for your life? A costly exchange, and you're carrying on as if you own yourself, disobeying his instructions and allowing the gifts and callings in your life that are meant to set someone free to waste and languish within you.

I have three kids, and in all honesty, I don’t fancy disobedience or disobedient kids. Some of you reading this have staff working for you as drivers, cleaners, cooks, etc. Imagine how annoying it is to give clear instructions and the person comprehends but decides to defy you all the same. Most of us won’t be as gracious as God. We would send them packing instantly, but yet God shows us mercy.

Whatever you are, find your calling and live it. If you don’t know what it is, ask God. He will surely show you, but let me highlight a few to start you off:

Joseph, the father of Jesus and Moses’ father, understood that their assignments were to be supportive of their wives and help them protect their children. Without the help of Moses’ father, Jochebed, his mother didn’t have a chance of saving and hiding that child for that long. They did it as a team, even though his name is never mentioned like the mother.

Joseph was there to support Mary and help her bear the shame of being looked upon as a less virtuous woman than she was, for the belief was that they had fornicated and she conceived before marriage. He was also there to receive guidance from God on how to best protect the infant Jesus from King Herod and his ilk. He was there to raise Jesus into a good man till he was of age to carry out the Father’s business.

How about the Shunamite woman’s husband, who listened to her good advice and supported her in her venture to build a place of rest for Elijah the man of God?

Or are you like the Shunamite woman who encouraged her husband to do good for Elijah and ended up blessing and helping to maintain his family name by getting a son through their acts of kindness?

Are you an aunt? You aren’t left out. Go and read the story of King Josiah’s brave aunt, Jehosheba, who risked her life to hide one of her nephews from the massacre by her mother, Queen Athaliah, after the death of her brother, the king.

Or are you that nurse who hid and took care of Prince Jonathan's lame son, Mephibosheth?

Or like Jethro Moses’ father-in-law, who gave him advice that spared his life and brought about the court system we have today?

Perhaps you are like the little unnamed slave girl who worked in Naaman’s house. She was there to help her master know about the power of the living God who heals and helped lead Naaman and his family to Christ.

Or are you like Saul’s father’s servant, who knew what Saul didn’t know and had what he didn’t have to help him meet Samuel, who anointed him as the king of Israel?

Maybe you are the King David of your family, set to be the game changer who changes the whole trajectory of your family lineage for good and gets God to show them constant mercy and compassion because of his covenant with you.

Don't run away from your calling like Jonah, but when you receive that assignment, ask God for grace to show you how to do it and to help you execute it with excellence. He could have called upon anyone else in the world (even the devil, who is also at his disposal), but he did not. Rather, He chose you, and he did it for a reason and a purpose. He knows you and knows what you can do, as well as what he has deposited in you more than you know yourself.

Wherever you are and wherever you find yourself, know this: the whole world waits in eager expectation for the children of God (you and I) to arise, know their place, callings, and assignments to carry them out.

Paeke had a duty to use his wealth, charm, intelligence, access, and kind heart to unify the most unlikely people, and he executed it with excellence. I have a duty to tell you what God shares with me and to create a better world through my spoken and written words. I pray I am fulfilling my duty and I pray God helps you to fulfill yours so that on the last day, we all hear him welcome us as his good and faithful servants.

 

 

The Jonah In Us All, Part 1

  

I once shared a blog titled Zane ( https://bit.ly/3oSwtIA ). For those of you who haven’t read it, let me give you a quick recap of how it starts.

When I was in SS1, I was given an English exam, and just before we began the exam, I saw a question on the exam paper that I hadn't the slightest clue about. The question needed us to write a descriptive essay on the theme, "Man proposes and God disposes." At that time, I had no understanding of what the phrase meant and was sure I would fail the question had it not been for a very observant classmate whose seat was just beside mine. In the blog, I named him P.D. as those were his initials, but in reality, his name is Paeke Dongban.

Paeke was quick to notice my facial reaction and asked me what was wrong. In a hushed voice, I told him the challenge. He looked at me, smiled, and hurriedly told me the meaning of the proverb before the teacher could say "start!" (For those of you who are judging Sese and thinking "chokes!", my Lasisi emoji is looking at you)

Looking back at the incident, I don’t know why I believed him and didn’t question whether he was sure of his answer or not, being that he was never amongst the much revered ‘top ten' students in class but rather an average kid who rarely bothered to display his level of intelligence much. It could also have been the certainty in his caring voice or just plainly the fact that I had no other option. Whatever it was, I was not going to attempt letter writing, as I would surely be doomed. For what it’s worth, I believed him, and I wrote one of the most fascinating non-fiction stories a student could write at that time, and I aced the paper. I reminded him about this early last year and we laughed about it, not knowing that by the middle of this year, he would go and rest with the Lord (RIP).

I can’t remember when I was last distraught over the death of another person, but it hurt so much. Maybe it was the fact that he had died on a similar date as my best friend Hadiza (another classmate from elementary and high school) had died, or perhaps it was the fact that we had attended elementary school, high school, and then became colleagues that hurt so much. His death just seemed to bring back a million memories I had fought hard to let go of and fears I never wanted back, but there we were.

It was hard to accept his demise and even harder to know that his beautiful little girl and wife would never get to see him again as they were such a close-knit family, one that I admired so much. I thought about his mom, who had lost a son before (years after we had finished high school) and then his sister, Betty. How do I ever forget the number of times "Betty Love", as he fondly called her, had bailed us out whenever we needed a car to travel for a classmate’s wedding or some funny event we often went to with Paeke and our travel crew? I don’t know if it was the last-born factor in him, but whatever it was, Paeke seemed to be the glue in that family, and I don’t want to imagine what they are going through having lost him.

The crowd at his burial was unbelievable, and one would think it might have been because of the position his mom holds, but when we analyzed the event with one of our teachers who was consoling us, it was obvious that people came out en masse because of Paeke.

The one thing I hated hearing throughout the burial was that "it was his time to go." up until my teacher mentioned three things that made the truth sink in. He made reference to an incident that had happened in high school years after we had gone, where a 15-year-old student died and our then principal, Deacon Frama, made 3 statements, which he at that time also battled to accept as true.

The statements were that " the boy had accomplished his purpose, it was his time to go, and if the boy had stayed longer, he may have ventured into a path that would lead to his destruction and not allow him to make heaven, so God, being God, took him at that time."

How does this relate to Paeke? Our teacher said that, while at the wake, he saw the number of youth who were present, and truth be told, a majority of them all had personal dealings with Paeke. Testimonies coming from the church, pastors, and random older people were that he was always willing to help anyone he met or just brighten your day with a gift. Some of the older women cried because of how he often received them when they came to visit their family compound. They felt they were nobodies, yet Paeke always noticed them and never missed an opportunity to make them feel relevant.

That was when I realized that he was a unifier!

A few days after his burial, our class reassembled and, for the first time, embarked on a three-day fast, asking for mercy and just asking for direction. Things we hadn’t spoken about for years were coming up, and people who hadn’t seen each other or chatted were showing up and talking and singing, praising, and just having one voice.

People were coming out to do the most amazing things before God, and the feeling of oneness and maturity could be felt. There are very few times I’ve been proud of my set and this was certainly one of them. What was the unifying factor? It was Paeke!

Everything seemed to stem from his death. We had lost another classmate, but it wasn’t strong enough to bring us to a point of lowliness and humility. However, this death definitely brought the point home.

While preparing for the fast, God kept leading me to read the story of Jonah again. I’ve read this story so many times, and there is a hidden joke in my house where I tell Nailah to ‘be the fish’ (meaning be obedient, without complaints and questions), but this time, God wanted me to see something else.

Something I hope to share with you in my next blog. Something I hope gets you up and running.

Paeke did his assignment! Even in death, he is carrying out his assignment dutifully! You and I are still alive. The question is, can God say the same thing about you? Can you, like Paul, one day say, ‘I have fought a good fight and I have finished my race'?

 

 

PART 2: GAME CHANGER

Fast forward to 2015, when my mother in law came to visit after the birth of my first daughter Nailah; while we were talking about random things, she mentioned how she had been upset with her husband (my father in law) for making a particular statement during their conversation after the birth of Nailah. She said that he had called to speak about the delivery of the baby and asked what the sex was. She told him I had given birth to a beautiful baby girl. He then said “he prays she will get married when she grows up”, and this upset her so much.  Why would he even say or think of such a thing? The moment she narrated the ordeal, I told her not to worry, he meant no harm, he was only speaking out of concern because at that time, he had 2 beautiful and intelligent daughters who were not yet married and so he was building a pattern/trend in his mind and was scared that his beautiful granddaughter may follow suit. I was glad he made that statement and the discussion had come up between my mother in law and me because never before then had I even considered nor thought about it but God used my father in law’s statement to give me a prayer point and open my eyes to a cycle that needed to be broken. One of my sisters-in-law had been on my bridal train and I had made it a point of duty to pray for all my bridesmaids and ask that God gives each one of them a husband because of the roles they had played in my life. Despite such, this issue of marriage was more critical than I thought and I was bent on tackling it head-on.

I discussed the issue with my husband when he got home as well as my mom and my best friend. As the events were unfolding, I realized I have the capacity to do it because my mother had done it (kids, watch and learn). Being a game-changer she told me not to worry, she would keep praying with me concerning the issue. Whenever my mom says such, my mind is at ease because she is a true prayer warrior and had taught us how to pray and stand our ground in faith. The mere fact that my older sister and I were both happily married was a small testament to that.

The birth of Anaiah a few years later increased my resolve to keep praying until (push: pray until something happens). I had been taught about vision boards at church so I set mine up with different things and wedding pics of my girls and I would tell them that one day, that would be them. I prayed for them and my sisters-in-law because I knew that if one got married, it would be a sign that God had heard our prayers. Behold, 2020 came with a lot of surprises and one of my favs was when one of my sisters-in-law got married to an amazing guy so yes, we have changed the game and so can you!

Why all this you ask?  Permit me to explain: Sometime during the year, while having my morning devotion (Our Daily Bread), God opened my eyes to something I have missed for a while. The reading was from Genesis 3 (the fall of man). I’ve read this story countless times, prior to this time, but something in verse 17 struck me like never before ‘since you have listened to your wife and ate from the tree whose fruit I commanded you not to eat, the ground is cursed because of you…

Due to one person’s disobedience, everyone to come from him would suffer this ill fate.  “Because of you! ‘’; such strong words! And I began to ask God to help me never do anything that would cause generations to come from me to suffer, merely because of a single act of disobedience or sin of any kind. Adam meant no harm to his generations and I’m sure if he knew the consequences to follow, neither he nor Eve would have done what they did.

While I was pondering and praying over it, my Spirit reminded me of Jesus Christ who came as an ultimate game-changer. The bible says that through one man’s act, sin came to the world but through the act of another, redemption came (Rom 5: 12-19). Jesus was the game-changer I told myself I want to be like Jesus (not to die oo) but to be the game-changer in the lives of my children and generations to come from me.

I reflected on a statement my husband had made once during our family devotion where we were all asked to state one legacy we would love to leave behind and after giving my goodwill speech about saving mankind, my husband gave his in 12 powerful words which were simple but super heartfelt. He said ‘I want to leave the legacy of being the father that was there!’ his dad had been more or less a father in absentia and perhaps it was tied to the fact that his father (hubby’s grandfather) died when he was young.  My husband wanted to change the game in his lineage and honestly, he is doing a brilliant job at it.

I don’t know what you may be going through or what you are seeing as a cycle that you don’t like, but believe me, within us all, is the capacity to change the situation, like Jabez. Perhaps you were born into your home for such a time as this, like Esther, or married into a family to turn things around for good and be the ‘final straw that breaks the camel’s back’ for their long-awaited blessings to flow because whenever God brings us into people’s lives, I believe it is always for a reason; so find that reason and live it in the year 2022 and beyond so that 'because of you, blessings shall abound!'

Game Changer Part 1

 I recall a day I came home and met my sister and cousin praying vehemently about a particular matter. My sister’s boyfriend had dreamt about something which opened their eyes to a part of the reason there was ‘marriage delay’ in the family and it seemed to be tied to something a particular relative had done. He didn’t know much about my family then but his dream seemed almost spot on (especially if you know the person in question) hence, the prayers.

I didn’t think too much about the issue as I was sure that our case would be different besides, I felt I had almost everything checked for marriage on my list and groom finding me would be easy and I had so many nice suitors (ta!! Reality was soon coming for me, calm down).

Years were passing, my age was increasing, and yet, despite my checked list, I seemed super indecisive about whom to marry. My case was worst/ even more complicated since I had amazing suitors but as much as I liked some, I was never truly in love with any to marry them. My phobia for marriage was crazy! (new blog loading) My parents had a good marriage and were friends so it didn’t even add up where the fear was coming from. I feared what would happen if I woke up one day and realized I was tired of being married to that one man years down the line or what if it happened the other way around that the guy got tired of being married to me? These thoughts haunted me constantly.

I guess the fact that I knew God hates divorce and the outcomes that follow made me put unnecessary pressure on myself to get it right because I didn’t want a broken home or marriage.

I always prayed about marriage and finding ‘’the one’’ that God had mapped out for me but the issue kept dragging.  I recall a day I met this man after bible study and he began to tell me things about myself that surprised me because of his extreme level of accuracy. The man had the gift of prophecy. He singled me out and told me “you have been praying about marriage (I wanted the ground to open and swallow me because there were so many people), God has heard your prayers but wants you to keep praying. You are going to marry an insider…. (and I did). What am I still praying about if God had heard me? I asked myself. I didn’t know about cycles then and the need to break them.

A few years down the line, I was at church and my pastor, Akila Yusuf, kept asking us to prepare for a very special service that God had laid upon his heart. He said if we could, we should endeavor to bring all our family members, seed, and oil. The Sunday service came and behold, he began to open our eyes to generational cycles and what they can do. He showed us how Isaac who had not even been conceived committed the same offense his father, Abraham had about 25 years before his birth, Abraham had lied to a king and Isaac did the same thing in the same way! He then went ahead to show us how demons are territorial and don’t like leaving a particular vicinity so once they are driven from one place, they move to the next (healing of the man at Genesareth). Hence the pigs begging Jesus to not be sent out of the area. To make his point, he shared with us how growing up, his dad was a pastor but used to hit his mom and how he had vowed at an early age never to strike his wife. In the most unlikely of events, he became a pastor himself, has 2 sons, and sometimes gets tempted to hit his wife but remembers that if he does, he reactivates a cycle he has tried hard to break and doesn’t because he knows it is what the devil is anticipating so it continues in their lineage.

He asked us to take a look at our families and see if we find any patterns that are continuous from one generation to the next. I didn’t have to think too far to see how my grandfather, the first son, in his family had 3 daughters who were not married in like manner to my dad who was also the first son and had 3 girls who at that time were yet to marry. I saw other patterns but for this blog, we will just focus on this one.

The moment I realized all Pastor Akila was teaching us, I began to pray about every generational cycle I could see and began to break them. I prayed for my sisters who were not there, I prayed for my aunts and our unborn daughters because we were drawing the bloodline at this junction. I went on to share my new knowledge with my mom, sisters, friends, and anyone who cared to listen.

A stronghold and deep roots take time to uproot and break but the good thing is, they are breakable. The sad thing is many times in life we bear the consequences for actions we may not even have been party to and others may also bear the same for our own actions for years to come. The good news is some cycles are positive and families get to enjoy the fruits of someone else’s labor and diligence (see how Mephibosheth enjoyed blessings from David due to his father’s kindness or how God refused to destroy David’s lineage despite the many atrocities they were committing and his one statement would be ‘because of my servant David and the promise God had made to him even though he was dead and rotten in the grave).

Anyway, we kept praying individually although thinking back now, perhaps we should have even set dates to pray collectively but God had answered our prayers because a few years down the line, my older sister got married and from then on, others followed suit including myself and now, the last of us, my younger sister! Little did I know that all these events were building up to something because God was going to use that training for something more.

To be continued…