Jonah in us all, part 2

 

The book of Jonah starts with God sending one of his prophets to a country called Nineveh on an assignment. He was to tell the people of the certain destruction which was soon to follow because of their godless lifestyles, which He was fed up with.

Jonah heard the message, but decided not to deliver it, and despite his knowledge of God, he took flight and was headed in the opposite direction to where he was sent to.

Imagine the effrontery we would say. Anyway, while on the boat, a storm arises and the sailors seek answers to what is happening. Behold, when the lots were cast, it went to Jonah. Permit me to derail a little from my original story and remind Nigerians not to be afraid of the outcome of the 2023 elections. The Bible says that when lots are cast, it is God who decides where they fall. The story of Jonah testifies to this. As the Bible says, "God arranged the lot to fall on Jonah."

That being said, try and refocus. We all know the rest, and for those who don’t, study the book of Jonah 1-4. Don't fret. It's a short and interesting read. It won’t take more than 15 minutes.

Anyway, Jonah eventually is swallowed by a big fish, which God, once more, arranged. So whatever is happening in your life, trust that God’s arrangements will work out for your good.

After 3 days in the belly of the fish, Jonah gets the message, repents, asks God for mercy, and is ready to carry out his initial assignment. Guess what? God makes certain that the fish transports Jonah to the exact location to which he had sent him. The fish drops Jonah in Nineveh, and Jonah starts to deliver his message to everyone. His message is short and without fancy words, but strong enough to get to the king and everyone. The king declared a fast on humans and animals alike, and behold, God had mercy on Nineveh. I will talk about the rest of the story another time, but again, you ask how this relates to my previous story on Paeke. Well, here it is.

On Sunday the 21st of August, 2022, while taking an afternoon nap, the Holy Spirit continued the discussion he had started with me the day before my class was to start our fast.

The Holy Spirit told me that Paeke had accomplished his purpose, but like Jonah, so many of us are running from ours. Some of us know the assignment,but would rather do something else, while others are like Queen Esther, who, out of fear, rejected the first message before receiving a second message from Uncle Mordecai. Some are unassuming and scared, like Gideon, while others are like Joseph, Jesus, and Jeremiah, who were aware and ready.

God is OK when we are scared but willing to try. However, He is not OK with us being disobedient or not willing to try.

Do you remember the parable of the talents in the book of Matthew (Matthew 25:14-30)? The one thing that made the master upset with the servant who had the one talent was the fact that he wasn’t even willing to try. He had a distorted mindset about his master, who, coincidentally, was the same master as (of) the other servants who were able to use their talents and multiply them. The master would have preferred that the man had tried and failed rather than not tried at all, as simply burying the talent upset him so much.

In all honesty, no real businessman would ever appreciate that. Likewise, we are all here on assignment. Some of us will carry it out unknowingly, while others will be clear about it and work towards it. There are others amongst us who will know but refuse to do it and one-day stand before God and hear these words, "Get away from me, unfaithful servant."

Do you realize that for you to be alive today, God made an exchange for your life? A costly exchange, and you're carrying on as if you own yourself, disobeying his instructions and allowing the gifts and callings in your life that are meant to set someone free to waste and languish within you.

I have three kids, and in all honesty, I don’t fancy disobedience or disobedient kids. Some of you reading this have staff working for you as drivers, cleaners, cooks, etc. Imagine how annoying it is to give clear instructions and the person comprehends but decides to defy you all the same. Most of us won’t be as gracious as God. We would send them packing instantly, but yet God shows us mercy.

Whatever you are, find your calling and live it. If you don’t know what it is, ask God. He will surely show you, but let me highlight a few to start you off:

Joseph, the father of Jesus and Moses’ father, understood that their assignments were to be supportive of their wives and help them protect their children. Without the help of Moses’ father, Jochebed, his mother didn’t have a chance of saving and hiding that child for that long. They did it as a team, even though his name is never mentioned like the mother.

Joseph was there to support Mary and help her bear the shame of being looked upon as a less virtuous woman than she was, for the belief was that they had fornicated and she conceived before marriage. He was also there to receive guidance from God on how to best protect the infant Jesus from King Herod and his ilk. He was there to raise Jesus into a good man till he was of age to carry out the Father’s business.

How about the Shunamite woman’s husband, who listened to her good advice and supported her in her venture to build a place of rest for Elijah the man of God?

Or are you like the Shunamite woman who encouraged her husband to do good for Elijah and ended up blessing and helping to maintain his family name by getting a son through their acts of kindness?

Are you an aunt? You aren’t left out. Go and read the story of King Josiah’s brave aunt, Jehosheba, who risked her life to hide one of her nephews from the massacre by her mother, Queen Athaliah, after the death of her brother, the king.

Or are you that nurse who hid and took care of Prince Jonathan's lame son, Mephibosheth?

Or like Jethro Moses’ father-in-law, who gave him advice that spared his life and brought about the court system we have today?

Perhaps you are like the little unnamed slave girl who worked in Naaman’s house. She was there to help her master know about the power of the living God who heals and helped lead Naaman and his family to Christ.

Or are you like Saul’s father’s servant, who knew what Saul didn’t know and had what he didn’t have to help him meet Samuel, who anointed him as the king of Israel?

Maybe you are the King David of your family, set to be the game changer who changes the whole trajectory of your family lineage for good and gets God to show them constant mercy and compassion because of his covenant with you.

Don't run away from your calling like Jonah, but when you receive that assignment, ask God for grace to show you how to do it and to help you execute it with excellence. He could have called upon anyone else in the world (even the devil, who is also at his disposal), but he did not. Rather, He chose you, and he did it for a reason and a purpose. He knows you and knows what you can do, as well as what he has deposited in you more than you know yourself.

Wherever you are and wherever you find yourself, know this: the whole world waits in eager expectation for the children of God (you and I) to arise, know their place, callings, and assignments to carry them out.

Paeke had a duty to use his wealth, charm, intelligence, access, and kind heart to unify the most unlikely people, and he executed it with excellence. I have a duty to tell you what God shares with me and to create a better world through my spoken and written words. I pray I am fulfilling my duty and I pray God helps you to fulfill yours so that on the last day, we all hear him welcome us as his good and faithful servants.

 

 

The Jonah In Us All, Part 1

  

I once shared a blog titled Zane ( https://bit.ly/3oSwtIA ). For those of you who haven’t read it, let me give you a quick recap of how it starts.

When I was in SS1, I was given an English exam, and just before we began the exam, I saw a question on the exam paper that I hadn't the slightest clue about. The question needed us to write a descriptive essay on the theme, "Man proposes and God disposes." At that time, I had no understanding of what the phrase meant and was sure I would fail the question had it not been for a very observant classmate whose seat was just beside mine. In the blog, I named him P.D. as those were his initials, but in reality, his name is Paeke Dongban.

Paeke was quick to notice my facial reaction and asked me what was wrong. In a hushed voice, I told him the challenge. He looked at me, smiled, and hurriedly told me the meaning of the proverb before the teacher could say "start!" (For those of you who are judging Sese and thinking "chokes!", my Lasisi emoji is looking at you)

Looking back at the incident, I don’t know why I believed him and didn’t question whether he was sure of his answer or not, being that he was never amongst the much revered ‘top ten' students in class but rather an average kid who rarely bothered to display his level of intelligence much. It could also have been the certainty in his caring voice or just plainly the fact that I had no other option. Whatever it was, I was not going to attempt letter writing, as I would surely be doomed. For what it’s worth, I believed him, and I wrote one of the most fascinating non-fiction stories a student could write at that time, and I aced the paper. I reminded him about this early last year and we laughed about it, not knowing that by the middle of this year, he would go and rest with the Lord (RIP).

I can’t remember when I was last distraught over the death of another person, but it hurt so much. Maybe it was the fact that he had died on a similar date as my best friend Hadiza (another classmate from elementary and high school) had died, or perhaps it was the fact that we had attended elementary school, high school, and then became colleagues that hurt so much. His death just seemed to bring back a million memories I had fought hard to let go of and fears I never wanted back, but there we were.

It was hard to accept his demise and even harder to know that his beautiful little girl and wife would never get to see him again as they were such a close-knit family, one that I admired so much. I thought about his mom, who had lost a son before (years after we had finished high school) and then his sister, Betty. How do I ever forget the number of times "Betty Love", as he fondly called her, had bailed us out whenever we needed a car to travel for a classmate’s wedding or some funny event we often went to with Paeke and our travel crew? I don’t know if it was the last-born factor in him, but whatever it was, Paeke seemed to be the glue in that family, and I don’t want to imagine what they are going through having lost him.

The crowd at his burial was unbelievable, and one would think it might have been because of the position his mom holds, but when we analyzed the event with one of our teachers who was consoling us, it was obvious that people came out en masse because of Paeke.

The one thing I hated hearing throughout the burial was that "it was his time to go." up until my teacher mentioned three things that made the truth sink in. He made reference to an incident that had happened in high school years after we had gone, where a 15-year-old student died and our then principal, Deacon Frama, made 3 statements, which he at that time also battled to accept as true.

The statements were that " the boy had accomplished his purpose, it was his time to go, and if the boy had stayed longer, he may have ventured into a path that would lead to his destruction and not allow him to make heaven, so God, being God, took him at that time."

How does this relate to Paeke? Our teacher said that, while at the wake, he saw the number of youth who were present, and truth be told, a majority of them all had personal dealings with Paeke. Testimonies coming from the church, pastors, and random older people were that he was always willing to help anyone he met or just brighten your day with a gift. Some of the older women cried because of how he often received them when they came to visit their family compound. They felt they were nobodies, yet Paeke always noticed them and never missed an opportunity to make them feel relevant.

That was when I realized that he was a unifier!

A few days after his burial, our class reassembled and, for the first time, embarked on a three-day fast, asking for mercy and just asking for direction. Things we hadn’t spoken about for years were coming up, and people who hadn’t seen each other or chatted were showing up and talking and singing, praising, and just having one voice.

People were coming out to do the most amazing things before God, and the feeling of oneness and maturity could be felt. There are very few times I’ve been proud of my set and this was certainly one of them. What was the unifying factor? It was Paeke!

Everything seemed to stem from his death. We had lost another classmate, but it wasn’t strong enough to bring us to a point of lowliness and humility. However, this death definitely brought the point home.

While preparing for the fast, God kept leading me to read the story of Jonah again. I’ve read this story so many times, and there is a hidden joke in my house where I tell Nailah to ‘be the fish’ (meaning be obedient, without complaints and questions), but this time, God wanted me to see something else.

Something I hope to share with you in my next blog. Something I hope gets you up and running.

Paeke did his assignment! Even in death, he is carrying out his assignment dutifully! You and I are still alive. The question is, can God say the same thing about you? Can you, like Paul, one day say, ‘I have fought a good fight and I have finished my race'?

 

 

PART 2: GAME CHANGER

Fast forward to 2015, when my mother in law came to visit after the birth of my first daughter Nailah; while we were talking about random things, she mentioned how she had been upset with her husband (my father in law) for making a particular statement during their conversation after the birth of Nailah. She said that he had called to speak about the delivery of the baby and asked what the sex was. She told him I had given birth to a beautiful baby girl. He then said “he prays she will get married when she grows up”, and this upset her so much.  Why would he even say or think of such a thing? The moment she narrated the ordeal, I told her not to worry, he meant no harm, he was only speaking out of concern because at that time, he had 2 beautiful and intelligent daughters who were not yet married and so he was building a pattern/trend in his mind and was scared that his beautiful granddaughter may follow suit. I was glad he made that statement and the discussion had come up between my mother in law and me because never before then had I even considered nor thought about it but God used my father in law’s statement to give me a prayer point and open my eyes to a cycle that needed to be broken. One of my sisters-in-law had been on my bridal train and I had made it a point of duty to pray for all my bridesmaids and ask that God gives each one of them a husband because of the roles they had played in my life. Despite such, this issue of marriage was more critical than I thought and I was bent on tackling it head-on.

I discussed the issue with my husband when he got home as well as my mom and my best friend. As the events were unfolding, I realized I have the capacity to do it because my mother had done it (kids, watch and learn). Being a game-changer she told me not to worry, she would keep praying with me concerning the issue. Whenever my mom says such, my mind is at ease because she is a true prayer warrior and had taught us how to pray and stand our ground in faith. The mere fact that my older sister and I were both happily married was a small testament to that.

The birth of Anaiah a few years later increased my resolve to keep praying until (push: pray until something happens). I had been taught about vision boards at church so I set mine up with different things and wedding pics of my girls and I would tell them that one day, that would be them. I prayed for them and my sisters-in-law because I knew that if one got married, it would be a sign that God had heard our prayers. Behold, 2020 came with a lot of surprises and one of my favs was when one of my sisters-in-law got married to an amazing guy so yes, we have changed the game and so can you!

Why all this you ask?  Permit me to explain: Sometime during the year, while having my morning devotion (Our Daily Bread), God opened my eyes to something I have missed for a while. The reading was from Genesis 3 (the fall of man). I’ve read this story countless times, prior to this time, but something in verse 17 struck me like never before ‘since you have listened to your wife and ate from the tree whose fruit I commanded you not to eat, the ground is cursed because of you…

Due to one person’s disobedience, everyone to come from him would suffer this ill fate.  “Because of you! ‘’; such strong words! And I began to ask God to help me never do anything that would cause generations to come from me to suffer, merely because of a single act of disobedience or sin of any kind. Adam meant no harm to his generations and I’m sure if he knew the consequences to follow, neither he nor Eve would have done what they did.

While I was pondering and praying over it, my Spirit reminded me of Jesus Christ who came as an ultimate game-changer. The bible says that through one man’s act, sin came to the world but through the act of another, redemption came (Rom 5: 12-19). Jesus was the game-changer I told myself I want to be like Jesus (not to die oo) but to be the game-changer in the lives of my children and generations to come from me.

I reflected on a statement my husband had made once during our family devotion where we were all asked to state one legacy we would love to leave behind and after giving my goodwill speech about saving mankind, my husband gave his in 12 powerful words which were simple but super heartfelt. He said ‘I want to leave the legacy of being the father that was there!’ his dad had been more or less a father in absentia and perhaps it was tied to the fact that his father (hubby’s grandfather) died when he was young.  My husband wanted to change the game in his lineage and honestly, he is doing a brilliant job at it.

I don’t know what you may be going through or what you are seeing as a cycle that you don’t like, but believe me, within us all, is the capacity to change the situation, like Jabez. Perhaps you were born into your home for such a time as this, like Esther, or married into a family to turn things around for good and be the ‘final straw that breaks the camel’s back’ for their long-awaited blessings to flow because whenever God brings us into people’s lives, I believe it is always for a reason; so find that reason and live it in the year 2022 and beyond so that 'because of you, blessings shall abound!'

Game Changer Part 1

 I recall a day I came home and met my sister and cousin praying vehemently about a particular matter. My sister’s boyfriend had dreamt about something which opened their eyes to a part of the reason there was ‘marriage delay’ in the family and it seemed to be tied to something a particular relative had done. He didn’t know much about my family then but his dream seemed almost spot on (especially if you know the person in question) hence, the prayers.

I didn’t think too much about the issue as I was sure that our case would be different besides, I felt I had almost everything checked for marriage on my list and groom finding me would be easy and I had so many nice suitors (ta!! Reality was soon coming for me, calm down).

Years were passing, my age was increasing, and yet, despite my checked list, I seemed super indecisive about whom to marry. My case was worst/ even more complicated since I had amazing suitors but as much as I liked some, I was never truly in love with any to marry them. My phobia for marriage was crazy! (new blog loading) My parents had a good marriage and were friends so it didn’t even add up where the fear was coming from. I feared what would happen if I woke up one day and realized I was tired of being married to that one man years down the line or what if it happened the other way around that the guy got tired of being married to me? These thoughts haunted me constantly.

I guess the fact that I knew God hates divorce and the outcomes that follow made me put unnecessary pressure on myself to get it right because I didn’t want a broken home or marriage.

I always prayed about marriage and finding ‘’the one’’ that God had mapped out for me but the issue kept dragging.  I recall a day I met this man after bible study and he began to tell me things about myself that surprised me because of his extreme level of accuracy. The man had the gift of prophecy. He singled me out and told me “you have been praying about marriage (I wanted the ground to open and swallow me because there were so many people), God has heard your prayers but wants you to keep praying. You are going to marry an insider…. (and I did). What am I still praying about if God had heard me? I asked myself. I didn’t know about cycles then and the need to break them.

A few years down the line, I was at church and my pastor, Akila Yusuf, kept asking us to prepare for a very special service that God had laid upon his heart. He said if we could, we should endeavor to bring all our family members, seed, and oil. The Sunday service came and behold, he began to open our eyes to generational cycles and what they can do. He showed us how Isaac who had not even been conceived committed the same offense his father, Abraham had about 25 years before his birth, Abraham had lied to a king and Isaac did the same thing in the same way! He then went ahead to show us how demons are territorial and don’t like leaving a particular vicinity so once they are driven from one place, they move to the next (healing of the man at Genesareth). Hence the pigs begging Jesus to not be sent out of the area. To make his point, he shared with us how growing up, his dad was a pastor but used to hit his mom and how he had vowed at an early age never to strike his wife. In the most unlikely of events, he became a pastor himself, has 2 sons, and sometimes gets tempted to hit his wife but remembers that if he does, he reactivates a cycle he has tried hard to break and doesn’t because he knows it is what the devil is anticipating so it continues in their lineage.

He asked us to take a look at our families and see if we find any patterns that are continuous from one generation to the next. I didn’t have to think too far to see how my grandfather, the first son, in his family had 3 daughters who were not married in like manner to my dad who was also the first son and had 3 girls who at that time were yet to marry. I saw other patterns but for this blog, we will just focus on this one.

The moment I realized all Pastor Akila was teaching us, I began to pray about every generational cycle I could see and began to break them. I prayed for my sisters who were not there, I prayed for my aunts and our unborn daughters because we were drawing the bloodline at this junction. I went on to share my new knowledge with my mom, sisters, friends, and anyone who cared to listen.

A stronghold and deep roots take time to uproot and break but the good thing is, they are breakable. The sad thing is many times in life we bear the consequences for actions we may not even have been party to and others may also bear the same for our own actions for years to come. The good news is some cycles are positive and families get to enjoy the fruits of someone else’s labor and diligence (see how Mephibosheth enjoyed blessings from David due to his father’s kindness or how God refused to destroy David’s lineage despite the many atrocities they were committing and his one statement would be ‘because of my servant David and the promise God had made to him even though he was dead and rotten in the grave).

Anyway, we kept praying individually although thinking back now, perhaps we should have even set dates to pray collectively but God had answered our prayers because a few years down the line, my older sister got married and from then on, others followed suit including myself and now, the last of us, my younger sister! Little did I know that all these events were building up to something because God was going to use that training for something more.

To be continued…

Pray for B

 

God, please have mercy; please show us your mercy. Please do not let my cousin die! Please protect my friend and exchange men on her behalf. Angel of death and destruction, see the blood and pass over us. Pass over my loved ones. That was me, interceding and praying for my cousin and my friend who coincidentally share the same name.

For two nights in a row, I had very scary dreams in which both my cousin and my friend died, leaving their children behind and a big hole in my heart. The first night, it was my cousin then the second night, my friend. I was so distressed over the matter; I could barely sleep so I would wake up praying profusely for them.

I had been praying for about a week when one day, I heard God tell me to calm down. He said ‘nothing will happen to your cousin or your friend, Serah so calm down!” I couldn’t help but ask and wonder why he had then given me such horrid dreams about them? Why did He have to give me such a scare? Those dreams were super vivid!

God, then told me, I let you see that so I could get your attention, so I could get you to pray. He told me that for a while now, you seem to have stopped praying for people the way you used to. You have begun to allow your challenges and numerous wants to consume your thoughts and time to the extent that you seldom pray for others as much as you used to.

I felt a bit sad and ashamed of what God had revealed to me about my character. I knew all He had said was true because prior to getting married, I would spend a lot of time praying for my family, friends, and some people I had never even met. So I knew exactly what God was saying and it hurt so much because it was true.

I asked Him to forgive me and help me resume my intercessory prayers like I used to. My challenge however was the fact that I knew so many people and had so many friends. I would never be able to have enough time to exhaust my prayer list.

I related my challenge to God and He told me not to worry, He would show me and let me know whoever He wanted me to pray for. He said “I will show you their faces when you sleep or let their thought cross your mind randomly. Whenever I do that, know it is my signal for you to pray for them.” I agreed and so far, that is exactly what I have been doing for a few years now.

Life can get so busy and we all seem to be facing one challenge or the other with some taking more hits than others. Despite all this, God wants us to learn to be selfless and take time to turn our eyes away from ourselves, our issues, and our worries and make out time to pray and intercede for others. Yes, there are some people we get tired of praying for (I have them in my life as well) especially when it seems like there is no change, but Isaiah 62:1 reminds us why we should keep praying and being relentless in our efforts. Because we love these people, we should focus on our love for them and keep praying. That’s why Prophet Isaiah says “because I love Zion, I will not keep still. Because my heart yearns for Jerusalem, I cannot remain silent. I will not stop praying for her until her righteousness shines like the dawn and her salvation blazes like a burning torch.”(Isaiah 62:1)

It is often said that “God can do nothing unless men pray!” So let us start taking time to pray for one another as often as we can, for this truly pleases God. The bible in Ezekiel 22:30 says, “I peeped from heaven and looked to see if I would find any man interceding, but found none!” May that never be said about us in Jesus’ name.

My youngest brother is alive today simply because God chose to show him mercy, leveraging on the fact that people who loved him refused to stop praying and believing God to spare his life.  You can catch up on that story here. 

God bless you.

THE GREEN PAPER

It was the 14th of February, 2018, I was dressed up for my visa interview at the American embassy and prepared for a lovely valentine's day to celebrate St. Valentine and my supposed visa. I had prayed about it for weeks and was as ready as I could ever be. I had rehearsed the interview in my mind and I was positive that the outcome would be in my favor but Ta!  (Nigerian exclamation) that was far from what happened when I got there.

I left the embassy with no visa, a lot of questions, so much disappointment and anger. I could not believe that my visa was denied due to ‘a simple misinterpretation in English'. Apparently, when they ask 'place of residency' after you have your baby in America, you are expected to enter your country name if you are not resident in America (learn o). I, on the other hand, entered the name of the place I was temporarily residing in because I interpreted the question that way. I was used to filling British forms which would ask for 'permanent home address'. My bills had all been paid after giving birth to Nailah. I had zero outstanding bills from the hospital and pediatrician and so I was a bit upset that due to the aforementioned, my visa was denied.

Anyway, after leaving the embassy, I went back to the office and into the loving and receiving arms of my colleagues and cubicle mate who had already had their fair share of visa rejections and kept trying to cheer me up. I was a wounded but humble Sese because, in my heart, I was a 'patriotic American'; being that some of my earlier years were spent there and I loved America and the system. If anyone was going to receive a rejection that day, I did not picture myself being one of them but, there we were!

I got home and my husband tried his best to cheer me up as well, but I was still sad and replaying the entire incident in my head. If it were something else they had used against me, I may not have been hurt, but an unintentional misinterpretation of a simple question just seemed unfair and harsh. How could God and my angels let that happen?  I thought.

The next day, I got to work and was still a bit down when a friend of mine asked if I had heard what had happened to another friend of ours who was pregnant. The tears started flowing once she told me my friend had missed a step and lost her baby at about seven months. I couldn't believe it because a week before my embassy visit, we had chatted with that friend of mine and I even envied (in a good way) the fact that she already had her visa, money, and everything she needed to go have her baby. She was not going to have to visit the 'dreaded embassy' because in all honesty, that year American visas seemed to be scarce as rejection papers were flying left, right and center.

Amid my tears, I heard God say, "Are you still upset that you didn't get your visa?” Well here is someone who has everything you think you want, but doesn't have the baby to go with it!" I was a slightly humbled at that point.

In spite of what had happened and what God had told me, I was still a bit upset over the matter (acting like a spoilt child). Two days after my friend's incident, my sister called to tell me of an in-law of hers who was also pregnant and had indeed delivered her baby but had complications after the birth and died. Goodness gracious!  That was a bit too much for me. I was heartbroken. I could not believe all that was happening because the three of us all had miscarriages the previous year (2017) and it seemed like we got pregnant again at about the same time too.  Again, I heard God say to me "Serah, are you still angry with me? Here is someone who has what your friend lost, but has no life to take care of the child!" Ha, once more I was humbled, but it seemed like the point had still not sunk in completely.

 I had planned to reapply for my visa the second time to see if after notarizing Nailah's (my first daughter) birth certificate, I could get my visa because, in all honesty, it was a genuine mistake or misinterpretation of English. My husband and I had agreed that if I didn't get it the second time, then we would accept it as God's will for the baby since not every child has their destinies tied to being born abroad. I knew what we had agreed on but still, I prayed the outcome would be in my favor as I longed for a mini holiday before giving birth to my second child and I badly wanted to have a burger from Burgerking.

Once again, I went into the embassy and came out “visaless”. I was a bit sad and upset but it felt nothing like the first time. I tried talking to myself and reminding myself that "all things are working together for my good and that of my baby”; for God's plan is always better than our best plans.

While I tried self-talk and conditioning my mind to give birth in Nigeria, despite the poor reports I had received concerning our health care system, I went back to the office, and again, my friend met me at the gate rushing out of the office. She asked how my interview went and I told her. She hugged me and said not to worry. She had to rush to the hospital to see her sister-in-law who had just had a miscarriage at 6months plus or so. 

What in tarnation was going on? I wondered. Never had I seen a year where the loss of life was so rampant and what hurt most was the fact that I knew and was connected to all of these people and cared for them. While I pondered over the situation, I heard God come to me again asking if I was still hurt and sad over my visa rejection. My dear people, at that point, I completely understood that visa or no visa, I needed to be grateful as I was alive and so was my baby. God had shown me mercy even when I didn't deserve it at all.

I thank God for his patience with me. God is such an amazing Father. He understands our hurts and disappointments as well as our little or big tantrums and is patient with us. I gave birth to Anaiah on the 6th of May and only then, did I truly understand why God had ensured that the embassy had denied me a visa. If you have not read my stories about Anaiah, then I encourage you to make out time and read my previous blogs: 'The Gratitude Attitude', 'Not about you' and ‘Testimony'. If I had her anywhere outside of this beautiful Nigeria, the bills, as well as emotional turmoil, would have overwhelmed me.

So what is the lesson in all this? I learned that there is always something to be grateful for; no matter how bad I think a situation is. I also learned to trust God's decisions and know that He will always do what is best for me even if His best and my selfish, shortsighted best seem worlds apart for He knows the end of every matter from the very beginning.

Finally, for those who have ever received that ‘green paper’ from the embassy, just smile and be grateful that you have life because at the appointed time, God will cause that door to open up and even if He doesn't, remember He is still God, still loves you dearly and is doing the utmost best for you in ways you probably can’t see just yet.

Our First 'Big Fight.'

What kind of silly name is that? “Nailah?” did this guy even pray about this? People are going to make fun of my child. They will say things like “Nail her to the cross” and other silly or snide comments. I detest the name. I do not like it at all. 

 

In case you are wondering, what is happening, let me make it easy for you. Those were my humble first thoughts toward the choice of a name for my daughter. Let’s take a minute to backtrack so you can have a clear picture of why I was mad at my husband.

 

Years before I ever thought marriage, I had a dream and in it, I had met my daughter. In my dream, her name was Malika, which means ‘Queen’ in Arabic and Asia; the name means ‘Jasmine.’ Before that dream, I had taken a liking to the name Jasmine and had changed almost all my passwords to the name so it was no surprise to me that in my dream, my first child's name was Malika aka Jasmine. From that moment on, I knew that my first child would be a girl and in my mind, her name was going to be “Malika’ as God had already shown me. 

 

While courting, I would often tell my husband about my dream and the fact that our first child would be a girl. When we went for my first scan, boom, my dream was confirmed, a girl! My joy knew no bounds, I was going to have my Malika even though I had never heard or met anyone with the name, it was unique and I loved it.

 

In the course of my pregnancy, I would often ask my husband to pray and think of names for the baby since he is the father. I for one had already settled that her first name would be Malika and so he could pick whatever he wanted for the middle name. My husband is a pretty easy going person and often allows me to have whatever makes me happy and so I didn’t even think twice about the matter. I had my arsenals all checked (the dream and the sweet husband). Besides, every time brought up the topic, he seemed a bit nonchalant about it so I didn’t think he would mind much but boy, was I in for a shocker.

 

It was a week to my due date and I had traveled to give birth but due to my husband’s tight work schedule, He was not able to be there and in all honesty, it would have put more pressure on our finances. We wanted our child to have opportunities we didn’t have and to do that, some sacrifices had to be made and unfortunately, that was one of them. Then there was safety to consider. Most of my friends who had gotten pregnant around the same time with me had lost their babies ‘due to one form of negligence from our hospitals or the other’ and I was not having that (as if safety was in my hands smh@sese. I know better now though).

 

So, my husband and I were not in the same vicinity and it seemed to be taking a toll on us because we had never been so far apart since we got married. Anyway, while chatting one day, I asked him for the names once more. That was the day I heard the name “Nailah”. Hian!! (Nigerian exclamation for wahala).

 

 I was thrown off balance. I did not see that coming. So I tried to reason with him, or rather try and make him see sense behind picking my name instead. My very easy-going husband was not relenting and I was angry. I tried to compromise by stating we both take the name ‘Imani” which we liked as her first name then the others can be the middle name. Oh boy, the guy was adamant and said no. I tried again with Jasmine as the first name since he seemed to like it then, but alas, I met another brick wall. Man, this marriage thing was getting real. If I were single, I would have done what I wanted, but there I was, having to bend to someone else’s will, and believe me, it was not funny. 

 

This naming thing was going to be our first major fight. I was steaming and didn’t even want to talk to him anymore. I had been saying this name thing for like forever and he had said nothing then out of the blues you spring this upon me! God had given me this name as far as I was concerned and I, spiritual sister Serah felt this man had nothing on me. 

 

I know how important names are and I didn’t want ‘my daughter’ (I say ‘our daughter’ now) to just have any random name. If we were going to take this life term decision, you had to find a way to convince me that this was God and He had spoken to you about it or you had some Rhema or scripture rather than say “while checking for names on the internet, the name just stood out for you.” Truth was, I thought I was the ‘more spiritual’ one I guess (I’ve grown, so show mercy).

 

I didn’t know what to do, so wisdom, asked me to go seek good counsel from people I believed were spiritually sound. My first point of call was my high school senior whose sis was my friend. I sent her a message asking how she and the husband had come about naming their kids. She shared her story and then I shared my challenge. After listening to my narration, I was convinced she would side with me, but she told me a key truth. She said “Serah, if that name is from God, He will speak it to your husband as well, but if He doesn’t and if your husband insists on that name, then give the name to the child. He is the father and the head of your home. Submit!” O chimo (Igbo exclamation). This was not what I wanted to hear at all, even though I needed it and deep down, I knew she was right. So, I decided to ask someone else. This time, an older person who had been married longer; I went to my aunt K who always gives good advice and loves me a lot. Again, I narrated the story to her and what my aunt had to say humbled me. She told me that earlier on in their marriage, she often insisted on having her way, and being that my uncle was as easy going as my husband, he would let her, but as the years went by, she had realized that he stopped sharing things with her and began taking decisions without her because He saw her as an opposition. If it wasn’t her way, she wasn’t having it and since he didn’t want to fight, he would go behind her and do his things quietly. She said she had learned the hard way and my marriage was not up to a year, so I should avoid making the mistakes she had made. 

 

It is often said that experience is the best teacher, but a wise man once wrote that we don’t have to learn from experience when we can learn from other people's own. I had read that expression somewhere and thought it best to use it in this case. Grudgingly, I gave up my horrid and selfish plan to just give the baby the names I wanted when asked at the hospital and let my husband deal with it since I was the one who carried the baby for 9 months and was sure he had not heard from God concerning the issue.

 

Behold, the 22nd of September came and our beautiful hyper active princess was born. Then the question came, “What’s the baby's name ma'am?” I halfheartedly said ‘Nailah Jasmine Imani Mohammed.’ I had given the name but I was not going down like that. So I had complied by being a ‘submissive wife’ and letting my husband’s choice prevail, but deep within, I had not completely submitted and so I decided to call the baby Jasmine and let him call her Nailah. I knew I had numbers on my side being that I had a large family and loads of friends so eventually, people would know her with Jasmine rather than Nailah. I was determined on saving my child from ‘that embarrassing name.’ 

 

Again, the Holy Spirit came at me in the form of my baby sister. She told me she had noticed that our entire family calls her Jasmine while only my husband and his family call her Nailah. I said ‘yes, so what is wrong with it?’ (I knew it, but didn’t want to admit it) She said she didn’t think it was right that way. I knew she was right deep down, but Arhhhh!! Anyway, after our pep talk, I was ready to totally submit and not teach my sister the wrong thing so I decided to call her ‘Nailah rather than Jasmine’.

 

Fast forward to today, I am in love with the name ‘Nailah!’ I even have friends who have named their daughters after her. I was being so stubborn that I hadn’t even realized what a beautiful meaning the name bore and how unique it is. In case you are wondering, Nailah is Egyptian/Arabic and means “One who is born to succeed” and nobody has ever made fun of her name or made comments like ‘ Nailah her to the cross’ as I envisioned. All my fears were uncalled for.

 

What I learned from the situation is that submission is not an easy task, but it is what God has called his daughters to do in marriage. The bible says “wives, submit to your husband’s as to the Lord. For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church… Eph 5: 22-24) Submission does not mean you are weak or your husband is right. Sometimes, they will get it wrong because they are human like us, but if you handle it well, you will both be the better for it. In my case, when I got pregnant with our second kid, I learned that my husband seemed better at giving names than I and so I sent a list of names I liked and let him be. He knew the ones I liked and behold, when he was asked the name of the baby, I had a pleasant surprise when I saw her immunization card bearing ‘Anaiah Zahra’ the two names I wanted.

 

I asked him why and he said “I realized I was selfish with naming our first!” guess what? I also got the names I wanted with our son! So my lovelies, submission pays off at the end of the day and whatever arguments you have in marriage can make or mar you depending on how you handle it.  

 

Have a great week and please, feel free to share any fights you have had in marriage that others can learn from.