The time had finally come. The long-awaited, dreaded, or
anticipated Loyola Jesuit entrance exam had arrived.
Like most parents, I kept wondering if Nailah was prepared
enough. Although we had been working on it since last year, her last term's
report had discouraged me because rather than improving, she seemed to be
moving backward.
I had been praying for her, but somewhere at the back of my
mind, I had little faith.
I had spoken to her several times and tried so many methods
to get her to focus on what was at hand, but she would focus a little and then
go back to her usual ways.
Although Nailah is extremely intelligent, her greatest issue
was focusing on and prioritizing things she had little or no interest in. When
notes were piled up, she almost zoned out. But if it was something she liked,
she needed very little encouragement, reminders, or a push to get her reading.
She would do it by herself.
While her mouth always spoke about Loyola—her older cousin
was there, and her other cousins were all vying to attend—I felt her actions
and efforts were not commensurate. Nailah would fast about the matter on her
own, but when it came to doing the needful, I saw little effort. I would often
tell her that the Bible says, "Faith without works is useless." As
you pray and fast, you must read as much.
After I had gotten tired of talking, I just let it be.
One evening, after our family devotion where
the issue came up in prayers, I went to my room to sleep and started pouring my
heart out to God on the matter. I was lamenting to Him about Nailah's behavior
and how I had lost hope in her passing the exam. If I had not already bought
the form, I am not sure I would have let her attempt the exam at all. While I
was pouring my heart to God, He asked me a question that stopped me in my
tracks. He said, "Serah, if you do not have hope, then why are you praying
to Me? Why are you asking for My help concerning her and the exam if you lack
hope?" I kept quiet and felt a bit bad. I went to sleep quietly without
saying anything more.
The next day, when I got to work, I brought a prayer
book/devotional called *The Warrior Mom* by Tomi Adisa, which my husband had
bought for me as a gift at church. I often use it when praying for the kids and
our home. I had been using it more frequently and picked the pages that dealt
with excellence, laziness, zeal, and so much more. Just before I started
praying, a colleague and friend came in and made the mistake of asking about
our preparations for the exams—her son was a student at Loyola.
I told her the challenges I had been facing with Nailah, what
God had told me, and the prayers I had been praying. She listened patiently and
then laughed. She said Nailah reminded her of her son. But then she added, "I
think you should pray for her to be more careful and diligent in her exams
rather than all the other issues you have been bringing up. If she is diligent
and careful, she will take her time to answer and crosscheck her work before
submitting." That was one of Nailah's greatest issues. She told me
how her son was the same—brilliant, but rushed. He'd solve a whole complex problem
and then make a silly mistake in the final addition. It was the exact issue I
had with Nailah, the one I had been framing as a lack of effort but was really
just a desperate need for diligence and patience. Once she gets it wrong and
I call her back to look at it, she quickly tells me what she had done wrong:
"Ooo, I did not do..." and I would tell her, "If you had only
calmed down and taken your time to crosscheck, you would have gotten it
correctly. Exams do not give you a second chance to crosscheck, Nai!" But
again and again and again, that was the issue.
After our pep talk, I got the book out to pray and add my new
prayer points. God led me to look at a different page, which dealt with favour.
As I opened it, one thing
caught my attention. She wrote, "Favour brings you into harvest where you
have not labored." I stopped right there, and God said, "The race is
not for the swift, Serah. It is to Me that willeth!"
There and then, I got it. I had been studying the book of
Esther at Bible Study Fellowship and had enjoyed it, but I had not seen it
through this lens. Almost everything going through my mind had been: you need
to work hard to get it.
So in the few days leading to the exam, I prayed for favour,
diligence, and an excellent spirit for her and her cousins. I tried not to
speak negatively, though Nailah's confessions were crazy. Somewhere in her
mind, she was convinced she would pass. She kept speaking it and asking me what
reward and treat would come when she did. She believed without a doubt that she
would pass. I admired her courage.
A day before the exam, I
was driving and praying, and I told God, "Father, my greatest desire for
Nailah is what You desire for her. When You made Your perfect and beautiful
plan concerning her, which You spoke about in Jeremiah 29:11, I want what is on
Your blueprint for her life—not what I want for her or what I think is right
and best for her."
God told me that some children will not pass, not
because they are not smart enough, but simply because God will use that to help
parents eliminate some choices and lead them the right way for their kids. Some
of the "undeserving and most seemingly unserious children" will pass
simply because that is where God has designed for them to be in accordance with
His plan.
To conclude this discussion, I remembered a statement a friend made
when we were in our final year, praying for a first-class or a second-class
upper. While we were praying vehemently, she said, "God, please give me
what You know I need to succeed in this life. If I do not need a first class or
a 2.1, do not give it. But if You know I need it, then give me."
I opened my eyes when she said that. I could not believe a
human could actually say such a thing. But when I pondered on that statement
over time, I understood what she was saying, and so I replicated the prayer for
Nailah.
If she needs to be in that school to meet certain people, make
networks, or have experiences that will shape her for good—and if it is in
God's plan for her life—then let her have it. If the networks she needs to
succeed and make it are not there but elsewhere, then please send her there.
So, dear Loyola Jesuit aspiring parents and parents of all kids
writing common entrance exams, may this prayer resonate with you. May God give
us all peace and His perfect will and plan for His children. We are only
stewards and custodians. You would be upset if you instructed your child's
guardian to do something concerning the child, and they insisted on doing it
their own way. So let go, and let God.
