THE RACE

Adrenaline pumping, drums beating, students singing, excitement and jubilation everywhere that is how you know inter-house sports was here!! It was Jss3 second terms and all three houses were on the field watching the races to see which house would emerge as the winners. The school had three teams, namely, the Naraguta house (Blue house), Agboola (yellow house) and the great Whirley (Red house and as you can guess, my house).

On this particular day, we were having the four by four relays. Although the race had gotten off to a beautiful start for everyone, things started turning a bit sore for Agboola and Whirley house somewhere in the middle.  Naraguta house was in the lead, followed by Agboola and then Whirley. I was so sad my team was coming last despite the best efforts of our guy. While I watched with all hope lost, something happened at the 50-meter dash that changed the entire event for all watching and me especially.

The Naraguta Guy saw a clean sweep ahead with the next runner almost 100 meters behind him and the next one about 150 meters away. The guy turned around and started taunting the other runners playfully, beckoning them to come to catch him. It was all fun and games until he turned around,tripped and fell on the ground.

The whole school froze in amazement because none of us were expecting it. That very instant, I turned around and looked at the other runners to see their reactions and my eyes caught sight of my teammate. I saw his eyes instantly light up with hope; the kind of hope that says ‘I can still win this'.  It seemed as if their energy was renewed as both runners (he and the guy in Agboola house) began to run with all their might.

I saw the ‘Naragutarians’ as we call them trying their best to get their runner to stand and complete the race as he could almost practically crawl to the finish line,but the runner would not stand (I believe he was ashamed and it was the shame that was keeping him down, not pain as he wasn't physically hurt but emotionally) before he could boost himself to stand, Agboola had come in first with Whirley jumping over Naraguta to take the second spot.

Talk about a game-changer and there you have it. How the game was transformed in a twinkle of an eye I still can't explain, however, while reminiscing about the event and discussing it with my care group members (bible study fellowship members), I heard God ask me to ‘imagine what would have happened if the other runners, especially the runner for Whirley had given up midway and said there is no use putting any effort in the race being that he was still so far off and it seemed as if the trophy was being swept away by the Naragutarian?  He would have lost out on the opportunity to come in second place simply because he gave up too soon, not knowing that a window of opportunity was about to open up to change his current status in the race. While some people may call it luck, one of my Pastor’s (Akila Yusuf) taught me to know that luck, is only preparation that meets opportunity just like what I had witnessed. I honestly do not know how sportsmen do it (especially runners); that they try to always finish the race they started even if they are losing. Perhaps it is because they believe the proverb that says ‘it ain't over until the fat lady sings'. Whatever the case may be, I truly respect their discipline and believe God wants us to exhibit such perseverance at every point in life as this life of ours is but a race.

I think that is why we hear the Apostle Paul say ‘do you not know that those who run in a race all run, but only one receives the prize? Run in such a way that you may win ‘(1^st Cor 9:24) and Solomon state that’ the fastest runner doesn’t always win the race, and the strongest warrior doesn’t always win the battle. The wise sometimes go hungry, and the skillful are not necessarily wealthy. And those who are educated don’t always lead successful lives. It is all decided by chance, by being in the right place at the right time (Eccl 9:11). Solomon truly nailed it in that statement as was illustrated in my story above.

 Another thing I learned that day was not to celebrate a win before I cross the finish line, nor get distracted while running my race or exhibit overconfidence; because anything can happen. Little wonder, the author of Hebrews encourages us to ‘strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us (Heb 12:1 NLT)’.

The guy tripped because he had gotten carried away with his seeming win not knowing something would cause him to nose dive and end up coming last in the race. So also, in life, many things can easily distract us when we become overconfident and remove our gaze from God one of such things is overconfidence, spiritual arrogance, and so many other things. That is why Paul advises us that, ‘if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don't fall (1st Corinthians 10:12)’.

So, what projects, dreams and visions have you almost given up on? I pray that you read this and receive a new determination not to give up, not to stop running the race no matter what you are seeing because the race is not finished. No matter what life is sending your way always remember that only two people have a true say in our lives, you and God. If we give up and decide to stop running, then we have decided our fate ourselves, but if we keep going, know that God will judge in your favor. Being that you are still alive, it means God is not done with you yet so REFUSE to QUIT!!! Because there is nothing worse than having someone believe in you and you not believing in yourself. God believes in you and so do I!!

I hope that no matter where you are in life, you will refuse to get distracted and enjoy the near win syndrome. Until you cross that finish line, you have not won. Even when or if you fall, REFUSE to stay down for long simply get up and finish your race because, in life, we will surely make mistakes that will set us off track a bit but what differentiates a winner from a loser is their ability to get up and continue. Stay in the race until the end so like Paul you can boldly say ‘I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, and I have remained faithful' (2nd Timothy 4:7).

MY HIGH SCHOOL MISTAKE

A few weeks ago, I engaged in a ‘redefining parenting challenge on Instagram'. This program was being issued by someone called ‘@schoolstoreng' in collaboration with @chiomahmomah. They wanted parents to tell them within a minute, one thing that they had gone through as a child that they are trying hard to protect their child from. Anyway, most of the things I wanted to speak about such as timidity seemed to have been discussed by so many parents and so I decided to talk on the issue of ‘communicating love to kids verbatim and not only through actions'. That being said, there was yet another issue that had weighed on my heart heavily but there was no way I would be able to speak about it in a minute so I decided to share it with you and hopefully, read as well as receive comments from you guys in this area.

So, what is this issue I took a whole paragraph to explain before discussing? It is that of unhealthy comparisons. I remember with much clarity and vividness a certain day in high school (I attended Baptist High School in Jos by the way) when I went to check on my school daughter, her name is Zippy D. I went to see how she had been doing with her classwork and after looking through her test papers, I noticed that she had scored a bit lower than some of the girls I knew in her class and so like any good parent, I decided to ask her what had happened. Why did she score a bit lower than the others in those subjects and her reply is one thing I can never forget. She said "Snr. Serah, I am not…… (She called the names of the girls I had compared her with). I am Zipporah and I do not like being compared to other people. Goodness gracious, that statement had hit me hard. It had struck a chord with me and had taught me a valuable lesson I would never forget (I definitely would not have won the school mother of the year award that day).

I immediately apologized to her and gave her my word that I would never do that again. I meant well but the fact that I was comparing her with other people and their abilities just was not right (I was much younger then so please, don't judge Sese ok). If I had just stopped at asking why she didn't score high and see what the problem was as well as seek ways to fix it like suggesting asking one of the other ladies who had scored higher to help her in comprehending the subjects better or even listening to know if it was just a ‘bad test day' and understand that the score was not due to lack of understanding, perhaps I would not have hurt her feelings that day.

Her statement reminded me of how much I truly hated being compared to others and showed me how easy it is to criticize people for doing things to us that we don't like but easily tend to forget and repeat or do to others in the same manner. In that brief moment, I had forgotten how much I disliked it when my Paternal Aunts and Uncles always seemed to compare me with my ‘seemingly perfect older sister' in our early years.

I am the second born out of 5 and the second girl. I have an amazing older sister (we call her Smallie) whom I love so much and have learned a great number of things from including my knowledge of the bible and good morals. I respect and cherish her so much because of the value she has added in my life and the role she played as a part-time mommy. However, I hated it every time a relative told me ‘can't you be like your sister Smallie'? Or ‘what are you wearing like that? Can't you see your sister'..? Thank God I made good grades in school else you can imagine what the question would have been. I resented it and didn't fancy being around them much because of that.

In the beginning, I tried to behave like her or dress like her because I reckoned it may help gain me a few points in their good books and hopefully reduce the number of complaints and criticisms I receive. I tried so hard but it didn't work much because that was not just who I was. I was Serah, not Smallie. The words and critiques of my aunts and uncles over the years had almost succeeded in creating an unhealthy barrier of comparison in my mind which had somehow caused me to think that it was a positive way of enforcing change and helping someone do better, like the way I tried to do with Zipporah.

It took me years upon years (I am still work in progress) to stop trying to be my older sister and accept myself for who I was and love myself that way as well as appreciate my sister for who she was. I have my strong points as well as the not so strong just like everybody else. I had to learn to accept that and appreciate it. I had to learn to celebrate our differences and not let it serve as a barrier or create a rift of any kind.

 I had shared this story with my husband after reading the ‘redefining parenting challenge' and we agreed that we would take the challenge a notch higher by taking time to write a list of things that hurt us growing up and create a strategic action plan to ensure that we do not do the same things or let others do them to our kids. So with this particular case, I suggested that we do not allow relatives or friends to compare our kids in an unhealthy manner especially when we are there and if we are not, we will teach their minders to also not allow it because of the negative way it can impact on them.

If you are like my husband, I am sure you would be asking so what happens when you are not around to enforce the aforementioned? because truth be told, my relatives never did that or said such in front of our parents and I can never remember any of my parents comparing me with any of my siblings, not even my older sister and if they did, then I have forgotten but I do remember that of my relatives so much because it hurt.

To address that issue my husband raised, we decided to work extensively on building our children's self-esteem to the highest levels and allow them to celebrate one another's strengths and differences. Rather than allow it to serve as a negative, we shall celebrate it as positives. There is no better way to start this process in my opinion than by constantly affirming our love to them and telling them how much they mean to us and how proud we are of them individually because I believe this goes a long way in the lives of children (read ‘the challenged identity on the blog').

So for those intending on visiting our home, this is a head start; when you come to our house, please join us in celebrating the difference in our kids and don't make comments like ‘this one is cuter than that or this one seems faster than the other'. We may take on you politely because we are out to protect the tender years being that it is our duty as their parents to do that while they are growing and discovering themselves.

Everyone is special and unique in their sphere and I strongly believe that God did not create two of your kind. That is why the Psalmist says "I will give thanks and praise to you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; wonderful are your works, and my soul knows it well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being formed in secret, And intricately and skillfully formed (as if embroidered with many colors) in the depth of the earth, your eyes have seen my unformed substance and in Your book were all written The days that were appointed for me (even taking shape). How precious also are your thoughts to me, O God! How vast is the sum of them! (Psalm 139:14-17 AMP).

We are all different; our strengths and weaknesses as well Paul clearly states in 1st Corinthians 12:25-28 "this makes for harmony among the members so that all the members care for each other. If one part suffers, all the parts suffer with it, and if one part is honored, all the parts are glad. All of you together are Christ's body, and each of you is a part of it …….) but everything we have has been given to us to serve a unifying purpose which is to glorify God and not be a source or cause for unhealthy comparison and quarrels.

In all honesty, I have never seen or read a place in the Bible where God ever compared any of his children nor leaders. If he is going to correct or discipline, he doesn't say "Joshua, why can't you just be as meek as my servant Moses was ‘? Or ‘David, why did you fornicate? Did you see Saul do such'? Better yet, ‘Solomon, why can't you be as loyal as your father David'? Truly, I stand to be corrected but God does not compare his children with each other in a negative or positive bid to correct them.

However, one thing I do remember in the bible is when Paul in 2nd Corinthians 10: 12b encourages us not to compare ourselves with anyone. Paul says ‘but they, measuring themselves by themselves, and comparing themselves amongst themselves, are not wise'. So, let us start this week by exhibiting some godly wisdom via celebrating differences and ourselves.

Let us say it together ‘No more unhealthy comparisons' (not even those intended in love) because all they truly end up doing is lead to discontentment, resentment, anger, bitterness, and envy if not controlled or attacked early. Trust me; those are not qualities we want to build in any child or person.

Food for Thought:

 Growing up, were there ways you were compared with others? How did it make you feel? Did it help you or make the situation worse? I hope this message was able to drive the point about unhealthy comparisons. Please share your stories with us, and if you are a Parent or taking that role in the life of someone, what recommendations can you make to help us work against unhealthy comparison in our homes.

Looking forward to reading your comments after this!

UNEXPLAINABLE

                    UNEXPLAINABLE

I never thought there would be a day so early in life that my child would ask me a question I won't be able to answer. I always assumed it would happen sometime later perhaps in her teens. Like seriously, what difficult question can a toddler have that one would not just answer with ease? Well, that day had come sooner than later.

Nailah and I were in my room having our special time when she sat on my laps, looked me straight in the eyes and asked me, ‘mommy, do you love me'? I looked at her with the same gaze and intensity and said yes I do love you.

I thought that was the end of it but no, that answer was not enough for her.  Then came the next question and this one seemed to be the most difficult she had ever asked. It was one of the most mind burgling questions of all time ‘Why do you love me she asked? It seemed like an easy question at first as I began to list out all the different reasons I could think of at that moment. She had just put me on the spot and I had never thought I would have to explain why I love her but there we were, doing just that.

I love you because you are intelligent, kind, loving, beautiful and so much more. Those were the answers coming out of my mouth up until 

I heard my spirit ask me ‘what if she didn't have those qualities would you not love her’? My eyes popped open and I quickly tried to rearrange my answer. I love you because you are mine. I gave birth to you and I will always love you regardless of all the other factors. You are mine Nailah and you mean the world to me. I am grateful God gave you to me and I will always love you.

I wasn't sure her little mind could totally comprehend what I had to say or if she got it but I realized that some things are not so easy to explain with words. How do I explain all the emotions I feel over this child that has been given to me as a gift. The joy I feel when I hear her call my name in the morning or over the phone when we speak? The pride and delight I feel when I watch her perform at school or when I just sit and talk with her or watch her album or carry her? I wish I could put those emotions in words but I can't.

My Love for Nailah is regardless of anything she does or doesn't do. I was not sure my toddler could understand what I meant but she had taught me something.

Her question had helped me get a little glimpse of the Father's love for mankind. He loves us because we are His. He chose us, he made us, we are his children and nothing will ever change that feeling of love toward us.

1st John 3:1b (NLT) says ‘See how very much our Father loves us, for he calls us his children, and that is what we are'!

Don't ever doubt God’s love for you!! He loves us more than the words in the bible or any language or literature can ever capture. When we go wrong, it hurts him but that does not stop the love he has for us not even when he disciplines us. For it is written, ‘nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow-not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below –indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord (Romans 8:38-39NIV).

Take time today and just keep telling yourself and silencing the Devil with this statement.

'Jesus Loves Me, This I know'.

Don't let it stop at head knowledge and being a mere song but let this become heart knowledge as well.

As for Nailah, she smiled, jumped down from the bed and went about her business happily.

So, what has happened in your life this week that has made you stop and appreciate God’s love? If you aren’t yet a Parent, let me give you a heads start, if you were in my position, how would you explain your love to your kid?