THE GRATITUDE ATTITUDE:

A LESSON FROM ANAIAH

Last year, I was asked to write a little about gratitude and for the love of me, I didn’t know what to say or where to start from. I guess this is because somewhere deep within, consciously or unconsciously I had always felt I have a right before God.

I felt I deserved most of God’s blessings upon my life; either by following the rules and paths he had set for me, my adherence to his words, paying my tithes, offering and basically trying my best to obey him. I felt that a summation of all the aforementioned had justified me to have the right to enjoy the blessings. All this changed in May 2018, when my life took an absolutely different turn which would help me truly learn the gratitude attitude over the rights attitude.

Growing up, I remember getting upset with God if things did not quite go as I had planned or prayed. I would often tell God “you promised…, You said…,while other times I would say things like you said if I did…., you would do…., but you didn’t”. I would get really upset with him over things. Safe to say, God knows me and knows I love as well as believe him so much; perhaps that is why he was so patient with me but I guess it’s mainly because he is such a loving Father.

Anyways, in May 2018;

I was pregnant and had been trusting God for a set of twins (a boy and girl). My Doctor and I had been going back and forth over the number (story for another day) because I just kept telling him I want two babies.  The day of delivery finally arrived (6^th of May, 2018) but it came with a little twist (another story for another day). I delivered a very beautiful baby girl through C section. I was alive and so was she.

Two days later, my daughter (her name is Anaiah by the way) fell ill (malaria and sepsis) and was rushed to the ICU of a pediatric hospital. I cried my eyes out the first time we got there. It was just so disheartening to see her with tubes and an oxygen mask (she just seemed too little for it all).

The next day, we were at the hospital with my husband and I was opportune to meet the mothers of the other babies who would be my daughter’s roommates for the next 6 days. Those women were strong, true believers and beautiful women. They showcase the true meaning of the word ‘Mother’.

Anaiah was the only girl in the midst of 3 boys and seemed to be the healthiest out of them all, as two of the boys were between 21-26 weeks old and had been placed in the incubator, while the other boy had a severe case of jaundice.

During our stay at the ward, another lady came with her 8 year old who was very ill. Despite all our prayers, the little girl died in our presence.  In my entire life, I had never seen such and it shocked me.  My daughter and the little boy with jaundice were discharged on that same day. 

My joy was short lived as word reached me two days later that the strongest of the boys in the incubator had passed away. While all this was happening, I received more bad news as a friend of mine who had been attending antenatal with me had lost her baby. She had given birth through CS as well and in the same hospital I had. She had given birth to a baby girl who was sick and rushed to the same hospital Anaiah had been and placed in the ICU as well. A day after this loss, the other little boy in the incubator died also.

While I pondered over the entire events that I had been through and the information I had received in barely two weeks, the reality of the scripture ‘who am I that you are mindful of me’? Made more meaning to me.

I kept wondering what I have done to deserve the love and unmerited favor of God that He spared my child. It was at that very moment that I truly learnt what gratitude attitude really is.

I wake up every day and I am simply in gratitude. I am grateful to be alive, grateful to have my children and loved ones alive. I don’t feel I have any rights before God anymore. Whatever I ask for, if he gives me, I am grateful, but if he doesn’t, I no longer get upset, angry or agitated. I am simply grateful to be alive and that all is well with my family.

It is true that God is a rewarder of those who diligently seek him, but it is never in the position of the worker or servant to dictate to his boss what type of reward he is deserving of nor when he should give it to him.

I pray you don’t have to learn the hard way, the way I did before you change adopt a gratitude attitude over a rights attitude.

DETANGLING PROCESS

My cousin and I were working late at night trying to rescue one of my weaves which had become super tangled. Prior to now, I had given my stylist to help me wash and handle. One look at it, he declared that the weave was useless and only fit for the bin because to him, it seemed irredeemable.

I quietly picked my weave and gave my best friend who believed she may be able to assist. A bottle of conditioner later, some shampoo and a trip to the microwave still seemed fruitless. My acquaintance had handed it her best shot, merely like the hairdresser, she stated it could not be salvaged.

So there I was, with a now semi dry and super tangled weave. I thought it best to simply throw the wave away and cut my loss, but goodness that weave was super expensive and I just could not bear to let it go so I decided to give it one last try.

Fortunately for me, my cousin had come to visit and was willing to help me work on it. Gently and patiently we kept trying to detangle and comb out each line. Sometimes, I got frustrated at some and would just want to dump it, but my cousin would pick them up and work her way through it patiently till it was loose enough for me to comb.

About three hours later, we were finally done!!! I had lost a little hair from the detangling process, but  had salvaged more than I had lost and much more than I would have, assuming I had taken the advice from my stylist to throw it away from the get go.

While working on the weave with my cousin, God laid this in my heart:

Lesson: sometimes, life can get complicated. We can make wrong decisions or bad choices, e.g. wrong choice of spouse, have a one night stand that gets you pregnant, join bad friends, start a habit that leads to a nasty addiction, live in outright disobedience to God and his commands, etc. and we end up in a tangled web of mistakes as well as regret, confusion, frustration, anger and bitterness to mention a few.

At times, our situation gets so bad that people are willing to give up on us, some may try a little (like my best friend) but when it gets too complicated, they also may throw in the towel.

The only person in this life who will not give up is the owner. This may simply be because of the value he/she places on the object as well as how much it cost him.  I knew what that weave meant to me and how much it cost me to get it so I was willing to fight and work to see it restored. Any idea to salvage it, I was ready to try. In like manner, that is how God works with and in us, if we allow him to help us when we mess up or just have a record of bad choices. Sometimes we get ourselves in the mess while other times we just find ourselves all tangled up. God takes his time to detangle us the way I and my cousin took time to detangle the weave.

You/ we are worth way more to God than any weave. The blood of his only son is what he used to purchase us and so he is never one to give up on us. That is why Romans 8:28 says ‘for we know that all things (good, bad, right choices, wrong ones) work together for the good of those who trust God and are called by his name’.

Family, friends and well-meaning people can give it their best, but once it is beyond them, they can give up on us. The only one who is always ready and willing to talk it through to the end is God.

Prayer: Dear Lord, help me always find my way back to you when I stray. May I never forget your undying love for me.